My daughter Tayler is home from school today. Her right ankle and foot is sooo swollen. She has mosquito bites on that leg that I thought might have made her leg swollen so I gave her Benadryl. Well that hasn't worked at all. I also remember last week her telling me that she hurt her foot while doing the jump rope. I pushed what she said aside because she didn't seem to be limping. Well who knows whats going on, but off to the doctor we will go.
It is interesting that today she is home. A day that I seem to be struggling a bit. I'm feeling the lose of Kamber. I'm missing her hugs and kisses. Know one really knows how I long for that sweet little girl. (other than my husband and those who have lost their little ones) My heart aches, but I continue do my duties as a mom. As I was getting ready today I kept having flash backs of seeing her in the pool and the feeling I got when the reality of what was really happening set in. I felt sick to my stomach. I have to let those feeling come and truely feel them so they may pass. Soon the feeling was gone and I remembered where she is now and what a wonderful place that is to be. I had a feeling it is okay, she is fine and she is busy doing my work.
My feelings today I feel are parallel with Tayler being home with me and my feelings of Kamber. I'm glad to have Tayler home with me. That I can see her, hug her, kiss her, hold her, and talk to her. She is physically here and it gives me comfort. Though it makes me sad that she is hurting and isn't her physical best. So in that case I would rather her be at school, learning, growing and having fun even though she would not be here physically with me. I know that is where she is meant to be. This is how I feel about Kamber. There are many times that I wish we could have saved her even if it meant she would not be her physical best, at least I could hold her, hug and kiss her, and talk to her. In all reality I know it is not what I really want. She is where she needs to be and where it is best for her right now. A place where she is learning, growing and having fun. I know where she is and it's not far away, just like Tayler at school. Kamber gets the best Teacher of all, Our Heavenly Father. So my devastated sadness has passed and just a small longing for her stays knowing that soon I will hold, hug, kiss, and talk to her again. What a wonderful day it will be. For now I will lean on the comfort of the Holy Ghost to help me through these hard times.
6 comments:
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings on this blog. I am so sorry that you family has had to go through this trial, but I am amazed at your testimony, attitude, and strength. You and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
I hope Tayler is feeling better soon. Enjoy your time with her today. She is such a sweet little girl and her goodness just shines through. I love being able to spend just a few hours with her on Sunday in Primary (Kylie the last few weeks too!) Sometimes when some of the other kids are acting up in class, I will look at Tayler and she will smile at me, and it just seems to calm me when I am getting frustrated.
Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help. We love you and look forward to getting to know you better.
I am sorry you felt this way today... I could tell when I saw you this am at the doctors. I wish I could be a better friend and help you on days like this. I know you long to see Kamber,the other night while watching the videos of her just broke my heart of how much we miss her. Brayden loved her so much that he ask when he will see her again. We love your family so much and don't know if we could ever repay you guys for all of kind acts you show our family.Love ya
This is Kristen Lantz, Dustin's wife. I just wanted to tell you how strong I think you are. I am so amazed at how positive you can make things. You're an inspiration and I hope I can follow your example of strength.
Jen, every time I read this, I am always amazed at you. Your family is such an example to the rest of us. I don't know if I could be as strong as you or your family.
What an incredible analogy!! I never thought of it that way. We love hugging and kissing our kids and want to be with them always, but there are times when they have somewhere else they need to be. Today, Tayler was right where she needed to be, with you!! (I hope her foot is OK...)
You are an amazing person with amazing strength. I admire you for the testimony you have and share on this blog. The other day, you mentioned that you have changed dramatically and that change came from losing Kamber.
You can be certain that she has changed my life, too, for the better. She has strengthened my testimony in so many ways. I'll be eternally grateful for the things she has helped me to learn.
thanks for the great post. it brought me to tears. i am so sorry that you have to go thru this and have these feelings. but what a blessing and a comfort the holy ghost is to make those bad feelings go away and remember the good times. kamber is such a lucky little girl. there is no better place for her to be than in the arms of our savior.
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