Thankful

I'm so thankful for so many things. Today I'm so thankful for church and that I made it through all 3 hours without crying. I'm thankful for the atonement and that we can take the sacrament each Sunday. I'm thankful for great leaders of the church. For a loving prophet. I'm Thankful for families and that mine will be together forever. I'm just so grateful for the gospel and thy son Jesus Christ. I couldn't ask for anything better.

Joy in Life

Last night we went to the preseason game of the Broncos vs. Cardinals. Ethans little brother was draft by them this year. He did a great job! We are so proud of him. We had so much fun. We were yelling and jumping up and down. Thank goodness for football. What a joy it brought to us at that time. We could feel the happiness that it brought Kamber for us to have fun. This is how life should be. Full of joy. Kamber is always in our hearts and by our side through out our life. Nothing is ever done without her memory and her sweet spirit with us. Thanks to Kamber for being with us during this night of pure fun!

The Temple

Ethan and I went to the temple last night. I was so excited to go I could hardly stand it. I felt like a kid in a candy shop. I couldn't wait to feel the sweet spirit that is always there. I felt that all my feelings would be much more intense. I learned a great lesson that night. The spirit was definitely there. The peace was wonderful. It wasn't any more intense that day than any other time I have been. I wondered to myself why aren't these feelings more strong, I just lost my baby girl not long ago, why aren't these feelings of peace and comfort stronger than I have already felt. I could feel myself getting a little discouraged. Then I had a feeling that She is here, she has always been here. I told my husband of my sadness and he said to me The temple is not all of us it is more for the people we are preforming the work for. They have waited a long time for there work to be done. This is for them. An overwhelming feeling of love and comfort came over me. What he said is true. We do benefit from going to the temple it is a great experience for us but it is for those who have passed on. From now on I'm going to focus more on those on the other side and think about how excited they are for us to do their work, what a beautiful time it is for them.

May We So Live

My We So Live that is the title of our visiting teaching message for the month. It is a great message. I would love for all to read it. Go to LDS.org and on the left side you will see the title and click on it. This message is for members and nonmembers of the church. There is nothing but good you can get from this message, I promise.
I was talking with my Stake President this week. I told him that I know I will get the chance to raise Kamber again and that I know we will all be together again as a family. But am I ever really going to be worthy enough for this. Am I ever really going to be righteous enough for this beautiful blessing. There is no way I can ever be half as perfect as Jesus. His comment to me was "You live your life as Jesus does. Find ways to serve others. Serving brings the pure love of Christ into your life. If you ever make mistakes you have the gift of repentance and that is what the sacrament is for. Heavenly Father never asks but for us all to do our best and endure to the end. He will never give you anything you can't handle. I know this is true. If we do our part our Father in Heaven will make up the rest."
I felt a love for my Stake President. I have a love for all the leaders of the church. Enduring the sadness of loosing Kamber has made me grow in so many ways. Ways that I could have never imagined. My love for others has grown stronger than I ever thought possible. I want to help in any way I can. I feel I see others through the eyes of Kamber. What a blessing to feel how she felt towards people. I hope this will stay with me always and that I will endure to the end and be worthy of all Heavenly fathers blessings. I'm thankful for all of you and hope that reading this blog truely does uplift each of you. It does just that very thing for me. I feel I have been taught by the spirit everyday. I'm so grateful for that.
Love, Jen

Sweet Children

Monday marked a month since Kamber passed away. We thought Tuesday was the 25th so we planned to go to Kambers grave site that day. Late Monday afternoon we realized it was that day. A sadness came over me, how could I have not realized what day it really was. Our plan was to take Kamber flowers. Ethan reassured me it was an honest mistake and Kamber probably really doesn't care. Her body is buried there, her spirit is not. We get to have her spirit with us everyday. So yesterday we went to the cemetery after I picked the girls up from school. We bought some flowers and met Ethan there. As we were getting out of the car at the cemetery the girls had some gum and candy in there hands. They told me that they were giving Kamber some candy. She loved to chew gum and any kind of candy. I told them Kamber would love that. Kylie told me that Kambers spirit would come down from Heaven and she would get her gum and candy. Then she would go back up to heaven and Grandpa Leonard would help her eat it. My heart swelled. What sweet girls I have. They love there little sister so much. I know Kamber was looking down with a huge smile on her face. I am so grateful for my sweet children. They bring me pure happiness and joy!

Shout out to Dallas my nephew Happy 1st Birthday!

Happy Day

Sorry I didn't have a post up earlier. I just didn't have time this morning because I was rushing to get my braces off. Yes you heard me right, I GOT MY BRACES OFF! What a great feeling.
There are other reasons it is a happy day. Last night Ethan grabbed my leg around 3:30 a.m. "Jen are you awake?" I said I was even though I was half asleep. He told me he had a neat dream of Kamber. We stayed awake about an hour talking about his dream and one that I had not long ago. What a special time it was for Ethan and I. These are things that bring us even closer together. We have always had a great marriage. Now it is beyond I could have ever imagined. I have a wonderful husband that I love more than he'll ever know. I am so blessed for the sweet family I have. I thank my Heavenly Father for that every day.

Good Morning

Well today makes for a good morning. After yesterday I'm so glad it is a new day. I know Ethan feels the same. I'm so thankful for leaders of our church especially our ward. They have given our family so much comfort. I'm so thankful for the temple. I don't think I have been this excited to go since I was sealed to Ethan. The church is true. There are no if, ands,or buts about it. Thank you for all the comments on Kambers blog. There are many days that those comments keep me going.

Sundays

Sundays always seem so hard. This was a day that we looked forward to for many reasons. Our church is late so we would get to sleep in. A lot of the time Kamber would come in bed with us and soon after would follow our other girls. This also is the only day we have breakfast, lunch and dinner all together as a family. Getting ready for church was always a huge chore. We were often late for church because we were constantly chasing Kamber around the house and she couldn't stand having her hair done. I would do it, she would run away and pull it out. Sundays were always stressful. Church was always hard. Kamber never wanted to sit still and she wanted nothing to do with nursery. Sundays were hard, but we loved them.
Now Sundays are hard in a whole new way. They are hard from the time we wake up. There is no Kamber to snuggle. There is no Kamber to chase around the house. Getting ready is easier, but harder at the the same time. We try to focus on what Sundays are really about, our Savior. It's hard not to let the thoughts of Kamber flood our mind. We know there will come a time we can make it through all three hours of church, but it seems impossible right now. We try so hard to be strong, but many times when we are alone it isn't possible.
Sundays now are just that. It's another day to try and jump the hurdle. Sometimes we just crash into it, other times we get half way, other days we make it over but not our best form. Hopefully in the near future we will be able to fly over these hurdles just as the guys in the Olympics do.

Fun Places

This week we have gone to a couple of the last places we took Kamber to eat. She loved Fuddruckers. The food wasn't that great to her but the games were. We enjoyed our time there with our sister in law and her kids. We remembered Kamber trying to play the games with no coins but it was just the same to her. We also remembered the last time there she went up front to where the fresh veggies are to put on your hamburger and she was bowling with the tomatoes. She had a mind of her own and every where we went with her was an adventure.
The next place we went was BJ pizza. We went here only a week or two before Kamber died. She was so hard. She sat on my lap most the time. The other half of the time she was making friends with the people that sat behind us. They were so kind and said they enjoyed her. She loved meeting new people and showing off to make them smile. She easily could put a smile on any ones face.
These are memories that we will charish forever. We sure miss and love our Kamber.

Yesterday

I don't know if many of you heard of the drowning that happened yesterday in Phoenix. My hearts absolutely aches for this family. Tears just roll down my face to know how that family feels. It is something I wish I could save everyone from. I ask all to pray for this family that they can feel the comforting arms of our Heavenly Father. Please no judgments regardless of how it happened because it's then on your shoulders and that's not a burden you want to bearer. I hope the family knows that families are forever and they will be with there little boy again.
Thanks again for all of you being so kind hearted. We appreciate all.
Lots of Love.

Everyday

I'm finding out everyday that parents are loosing there children. When you go through it yourself, you feel as though your the only one going through the trail. That your the only one feeling the horrible loss of loosing your little one. It's not true. There are many people all over the world loosing there children everyday feeling just like I do. My heart breaks everytime I hear of a family going through this pain. I'm sorry with all who have to endure this. Heavenly Father has been by my side through it all and yours no matter the trial you have. He feels all of our pain. How grateful I am for the gospel and all of its teachings. I know families are forever. There is nothing more wonderful than that!

What to say?

I'm working on what I published yesterday. It's made for a good day so far. I'm so thankful for the scriptures and the power of prayer. What a difference it really does make. I hope it is something every one would be willing to give a try. What else can I say, today's great and I hope there is many more to come for you and me. Love, Jen

Living Life With Kamber

Yesterday was sure a hard day for me. Today is a new day and I'm thankful for that. Today I'm starting life with Kamber not life without Kamber. It's time to live life to the fullest just as Kamber did. Back into the routine of things with Kamber.

This is what I will do today and now on:

1. Wake up happy.
2. Say prayers.
3. At least open my scriptures and read a verse.
4. Walk in Kambers room to say good morning.
5.Hug and kiss my husband and girls to remind them how much I love them.
6. Exercise, Kamber was always along side me while exercising.
7.Get dressed for the day.
8.Open the blinds to let the beautiful sunlight in.
9.Clean up the house.
10.Count my blessings.
11. Take time to enjoy my girls.
12.Family prayers
13. Kids to bed.
14. Enjoy time just talking with my husband.
15. Couple prayer with my husband.
16. Enjoy a good nights rest.

These are things I will strive for each day. I know there are still hard days to come but, I know there are alot of good days ahead also. Heavenly Father and Kamber want me to happy and that's what I'm striving for.

Tragedy or Destiny?

This morning I really didn't want to put up a post. I'm struggling with my feelings. I've found myself mad, mad that Kamber is gone. Mad that I couldn't have prevented this from happening. Why? She is a beautiful, happy, energetic little girl full of life. I needed to pray, so I did and just cried to my Heavenly Father. The comfort is there, but it still stings. He comforted me enough that I'm now here posting this message.
I remembered a message given by Spencer W. Kimball, one of the prophets of our church. It is titled Tragedy or Destiny? This message is wonderful. It talks about how Heavenly Father can prevent everything bad from happening but he doesn't. We are sent here to earth for a purpose and that's to learn and grow. We all have our free agency and that's all part of his plan.
You can find this message by going to lds.org Then search Spencer W. Kimball and scroll to the title Tragedy or Destiny. I have a firm testimony of the prophets of our church. I know they speak with our Heavenly Father and help to lead and guide our church. We are the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and are lead by thy son Jesus Christ so that we can return to live with our Father in Heaven again. I am thankful for the gospel and all it's teachings. I know you will feel peace as you read the message by Spencer W. Kimball. Thank you everyone for your time today.

Scriptures

Here are a few scriptures I hold dear to my heart:

Jeremiah 31:13- I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow.

John 14:18- I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

I had an Aunt give me a card that reads:

God's Promises To You:
"I will protect you..." - Acts 26:17
"I will comfort you..." - Isaiah 66:13
"I will give you peace..." - Leviticus 26:6
"I will listen to you..." - Jeremiah 29:12
"I will carry you..." - Isaiah 46:4
"I will strenghten you..." - Isaiah 41:10
"I will give you rest... - Matthew 11:28
"I will be with you..." - Genesis 31:3

These scriptures give me some peace and I hope they do for you. Thanks to everyone who has prayed for us and continues to pray for us. We have felt every bit of your prayers. Thanks again and we love you all.

It's not okay with me

Thanks for the sweet posts yesterday. Do remember you Maren and Jessica. I do know Angie Clegg, she is a sweetheart.
My title tells alot of what I feel today. I know nothing that happens in this world is up to me. That Heavenly Father has a greater plan for us all. Today I feel it's not okay that my Kamber is gone. I miss holding her and seeing her run around me. I wish time would just fly by so I could start to mend this deep hole in my heart. At the same time I want time to go slow, so her memories will be fresh in my mind. I often wonder why Heavenly Father thought I could take on this sorrow. "What was he thinking, I can't bare this." Kamber and all my girls are my world. This is not okay. Many people all around us are losing loved ones every day. I'm finding out that people very close to my family members are going through the same sorrows that I'm going through and I wonder if they feel the same way from time to time. I'm sure they do. When I do get upset I think of thy son Jesus Christ. He paid the price for all. He has felt all my pain and sorrow. Heavenly Father knows how I feel. I know there was much sadness when he had to watch how people treated Jesus and watched him die,but look at what he has done for each and every one of us. It was because of Jesus Christ that we all get to live again. There is no greater gift than that.

Tender Mercies

As my father in law puts it, there are many tender mercies. There is no better way to put it. During this loss of Kamber there has been an out pouring of love and tender mercies. Beautiful blessings come from hard times. We have the privileged to have Kambers sweet spirit still in our home. The feelings of comfort and peace are her. We have felt it and continue to feel it. It is real! She has never left our side.
One of the best tender mercies we have experienced happened the evening of August 1st. This is the day we buried Kamber. It was a hard day,but we made it through. The spirit was so strong that day. After the funeral Ethan and I were told that our sister-in-law Annie was having contractions and was heading to the Hospital. This was about 3 weeks before her due date. I had a feeling a sweet new spirit was on his way to us. Ethan and I were exhausted so we went home to take a nap. I awoke suddenly and quickly slipped into a light sleep. I saw little Gunnar being born. Within minutes of seeing that, my sister-in-law Mindi called to let me know Annie had her baby. I already knew. Gunnar came on a day of sadness that turned into happiness. We couldn't have asked for a better day for Gunnar to be born. He has come to a beautiful family with special parents that will teach him well. We feel it is so special that Kamber was there when Gunnar came to this earth and she will be there when he returns home. She has so many things yet to do and so do we. I am thankful for all the tender mercies in my life. I hope each and everyone of you will look for them in your life, big or small. They are always there we just have to look.

Kamber's Mission

Kamber's mission here on earth is very clear. She struggled just to get her body, but she is a fighter. Her time here on earth was short, but her mission will be for eternity. She is so strong and her mission throughout life is so powerful. We had no clue what an impact such a small girl would have on so many people, even those she didn't even know. Kamber came here to teach us all many lessons. One in particular is how important families are and that families can be together forever through Heavenly Fathers plan. Another lesson is to love one another. Kamber had a genuine love for everyone. It didn't matter who you were, you were her new best friend. She also has taught us to be more Christ like. Live your life righteous and to the fullest. Our time here on earth is short. We don't know when it is our time to go home, but lets all be ready. Kamber definitely was. Heavenly Father has a plan for each and every one of us. We all are a very important part of his plan. We are sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father and he can't wait to see us all again. I am grateful for Kamber and for all the lessons she has taught us and will continue to teach us. We love you Kamber!

I need Thy comfort

I woke up feeling pretty good today. I got my girls off to school and settled Brookie down. Finally she is asleep. Ethan went to work and I started folding laundry. As I was folding laundry I came across the jammies that Kamber was wearing just a day before the accident." Where did these come from? I thought I had already washed all of her clothes last week." I picked them up and held them close. They smell just like her. My eyes started watering thinking of how much I miss her running in my room every morning wanting to watch Go Diego Go for the millionth time. I tried so hard to keep myself under control but I couldn't. I fell to my knees and began to pray. "Heavenly Father help me understand." I'm not meant to know everything right now. I felt pure peace and love along with my pain. I know I'm not alone. Heavenly Father is always there and so is Kamber. He will never leave me alone. THIS I KNOW TO BE TRUE.

TO READ AND VIEW KAMBERS LIFE START AT THE OLDEST POST AND WORK YOUR WAY UP.

This is our last family picture. We blessed Brookie the first week in July. It was a great day with our whole family. Little did we know it would be our last picture with her. I'm so grateful for this day for so many reasons. Kamber past away about 3 weeks later on July 25th, 2008.

This is one of the last pictures we have of Kamber. This is a Sunday after church. This shows the dress that we had Kamber in before we dressed her for the last time. This dress is now very special to us.

On April 3, 2008 Kamber became a big sister. She was a proud sister. The new babies name is Brooklen. That name didn't last long. Little Brooklen is now known as Brookie, That is what Kamber calls her. So that is the name that stays. Kamber loves little Brookie.

Here is Easter this year. She had lots of fun finding easter eggs. Daddy helped out alot.

Here is Kamber at her 2nd birthday. Everyone made fun of the big flower I put in her hair. I thought is was cute. Everything about her is cute. Now I look at the flower and maybe I should have found something a little smaller. All well, it's something that will keep me smiling for years to come.

We went to the snow this winter. Kamber loved it! This is something we will do every year.

Christmas was here and we were barely moved into our new house. Kamber loved running up and down the big halls. Christmas morning came and she ran down to the family room to see her presents. She got a new rocking horse. She spent the whole morning on that horse and I had to open her presents, the horse was her favorite.

If you knew Kamber you knew she was into everything. Including the dryer. She looked so silly I had to take a picture.

Here is a picture of Kamber at Halloween. This was the first year she knew what to do. She loved running from house to house saying trick or treat. No matter how full here candy bag got she wouldn't put it down. I think candy was going in her mouth faster than it was being put into her bag. How perfect is this picture. Kamber was an angel on earth and now is an angel up in heaven watching over us!:)

We did lots of fun things within Kambers 1&1/2 years. We went to Vegas. (pic. in front of the Bilogio) Hunnington Beach for 4th of July. Many times playing in the sand with a snotty nose. I still laugh every time I see this picture. These are just a few fun things we did as a family with our little stinker.

Before we knew it Kamber was a year old. Time flies by when you are having fun. Kambers shirt in the picture says 4 get it. That was her personality. Just forget it. She was a whirlwind of fun!

Kamber loved being outside with her sisters. We were outside watching daddy when I took this picture of the three girls. I thought it turned out so cute. Some of our best times together was just being outside together.

Kamber is 3 mo. in this picture. She loved the water. It is one of the only ways we could keep her from screaming. At a young age we had her swimming. Daddy I think loved this time the most.

Kamber was blessed in April by her daddy. I'm sure everyone has heard the peom of the Three White Dresses. This was Kamber's first white dress. It was picked out special for her. She looked so beautiful in it. This was a special day and one we'll hold dear to our hearts. If you haven't read the poem of the Three White Dresses look it up. It is a sweet poem.

We knew Kamber was to be a part of our family before she was ever born. Heavenly Father sent Kamber to us Feb. 10th 2006. Her proud sisters Tayler and Kylie gave her, her first bath. We all are so happy to have her in our lives.