Routine

Since our 6 year mark of Kamber's death I have been thinking a lot. These milestones really put things into perspective and get my mind racing. 6 years has proven that we all still grieve differently and that we all will have days that we are just in tears, but life continues to move on and hopefully we are learning from each experience. I've been thinking a lot of my routine in life. This summer we had so many things packed in that we were on a time schedule most days. I loved taking my kids swimming with their cousins 3 days a week and that was usually packed in between two other activities to be at. It sure made the summer fly by. Now school has started and we are on that routine of getting kids off to school, homework, and activities after school. The days are quite a bit easier with the older 3 going to school all day and all I have at home are Max and Reagan who get along very well together. Next week Max will go to preschool 3 days a week for 3 hours on each of those days, which I think he will love since he asks me all day when the older girls will get home to play games with him. He will get to make new friends and have lots of fun! That will put Reagan here with me, which will be so quiet, but good to have some one on one time with her before 2 new babies are here. I think she feels the change coming and has been finding paci's and snuggling under a blanket wanting to cuddle with me. Though I love getting to hold her the Paci has to go. HaHa! So in 3 1/2 months our routine will change again having the twins here and I'll have to learn how to juggle all the newness. In a lot of ways it scares the heck out of me and then there is a drive inside me that is telling me I can do this and own it! It will be a much more busy time of year being it will be smack in the middle of holiday and volleyball season. But I love both of those things so I know we can endure! Routines change all the time. Sometimes it is dramatic and hard like when we lost Kamber and then sometimes it gets a bit easier like now with school starting and sometimes it is somewhere in between like I'm guessing it will be when the twins come. So many people ask how the heck are you going to do it? It's going to be so hard." Mine and Ethan's new response has been " We've been through worse." "So far nothing has been as hard as living after the sudden death of a child."

Twins! What!?!

It been a while since I have been on here documenting our lives. The last I wrote we were on to a new adventure in our lives. Moving to a new area, a dream my husband has always had. A place with land to have a shop and animals...some day. We love were we are at and it is still a work in progress. 6 acres is a lot to take care of and a house that isn't finished takes time. But we are happy, really happy. Our life continues to grow and change. New challenges that we find to work out and aren't as hard as we thought. My kids are growing up so fast and part of that makes me sad but I'm enjoying watching them grow and enjoying the fun we are having together as a family.
A couple months ago Ethan  and I had a strong feeling that we were to have another child...a boy actually. I have felt that after having Reagan that life was pretty good and I was at my limit of the amount of chaos I could handle. Life was getting easier in some aspects. I had gone hardcore into fitness and health and was ready to really pursue that in my life and in helping others with that also. My body was getting back into the shape it had been in back in High School and I loved that healthy, energetic feeling I had, that I had missed for so long. Was this feeling really right for us? I questioned it and went back and forth. Finally Ethan said we needed to really pray about it. So we did and we had many neat experiences to answer our prayers that yes this is right, another child. We found out in April that I was pregnant and I have been pretty sure this whole time that it was a boy. Though I knew I was pregnant I was a little in denial about it and didn't make a Dr. appointment till I was out of my 1st trimester. I worried that something would go wrong and I would lose this baby, because I couldn't really believe that we were pregnant again. I have been blessed with 6 kids and one in heaven. But then the thought of 6 on earth didn't seem too hard, I was coming around to...yes we could do 6 here with us and it was happening. I made the Dr. appointment and they wanted to do an ultrasound to confirm size and due date and then the regular Dr. appt. after. But since I would be 17 weeks at this appointment I would have to go back 3 weeks later for the anatomy ultrasound and appt. I had thought I would cancel  the first ultrasound considering I would be going back for another one only a few weeks later. Well, I totally forgot to do that, so come Monday I was stuck with it. I left late for the appointment...I don't know where time went. I have 20 minutes to get to the Dr. office that was 30 min. away. I hit crazy busy traffic and by the time I hit the freeway I had 10 minutes to go 15 minutes. I prayed and asked for help to get there if the ultrasound was important for me to be at. I then called the office and told them I was running behind and was told if I was 15 minutes late I would miss the ultrasound appt. and have to just do the Dr. visit. I was pretty sure I could make it with Heavenly Father's help, but chances were slim. As I traveled cars moved out of my way, lights turned green and I was able to get there in 10 minutes! Wow! I was meant to be there and hoped it wasn't because they were going to find something wrong and I needed to find out now. They got me right in and the tech put the Doppler on my belly and I saw 2 round what I thought were heads but she immediately pulled the Doppler off my belly and started arranging her cords. I almost asked why there were to heads, but from the way she acted I thought that it must have been the baby's head and butt since they were side by side. The tech then put the Doppler right back on and said "You have two babies!" My eyes got huge and I stared at the screen with 2 babies moving around. I immediately started to cry. Ethan spouted out What! and another saying that I won't say. In total shock! "There is no way!" kept coming out of our mouths. Tears and more tears of shock! She then asked if we wanted to know what we were having and of course, Yes! Baby B- boy! Baby A- boy! Ethan jumped around the room. I loved seeing his excitement. I just laid there with tears and so many emotions running through me. We are excited and nervous all at the same time. We know it will be hard for awhile but that it will be fun having these twin boys in our family. Most everything good in life comes from hard work and our Heavenly Father must see that we can do it. So I know we can with his help. We are excited for this new adventure of having these sweet boys join our family. I am probably the most excited for Max to have 2 brothers! He is no longer surrounded by girls! I pray they will be good friends!