Little Drummer Girl

A couple Christmas's ago I got Ethan Rock Band. We had some gift cards so it only cost around $50 bucks and it has been well worth every penny and then some. I would definitely recommend the game to anyone with kids. That is one thing that we enjoy doing as a family and many times Ethan will just go in and play on his own or the kids will hear the music and join the band.

Here lately Brookie has wanted to join the band everytime they have a gig. Ethan is really good at the drums and Brookie loves to try. Ethan is always willing to let anyone play that wants even if it is our little two year old that doesn't know what the heck she is doing. The other day I walked in and saw Brookie standing in front of Ethan and together they were holding on to the drum sticks playing a song. Ethan was playing on expert so it seemed his hands were moving a million miles an hour and Brookie loved it! She just stood there with a big smile and arms moving at rapid speed. I of course had to take a picture, it was just too cute. Ethan asked if I would mind if one of our girls wanted to play the drums. Not at all. We could have a Little Drummer Girl!

The Sun Always Comes Up

My last post was sad and I'm sure depressing, but those were my feelings. It is my reality and I feel that it is better to live through those moments than to run away from them. I insist on dealing with my grief as it comes, I believe it is what helps me to heal and it is what reminds me that Kamber was really here, she was mine, and I love her. Sometimes it feels like a really bad dream, but feeling the waves of grief reminds me of the reality of it all and if it was real then it is real that I am going to be with her again.

The sun did rise the next morning and the sadness had drift away with the night. I woke up happy and ready to conquer the day. Later that afternoon I was driving home and saw that my sister had got into a car accident right out side my neighborhood. I could see that the damage wasn't bad and as I pulled in I could see that she was almost embarrassed that it had happened and that I had pulled up not long after. I hopped out of my car and asked her with a little smirk on my face "So, what's goin' on?" She just smiled back and said I hit that guy. She proceeded to tell me that she had her blinker on to turn left into our neighborhood and he had his blinker on to turn left into the neighborhood on the other side of the street. She didn't wait till he started turning and turned in front of him. Evidently he decided not to turn and keep going straight and kissed that back side of my sisters car. No damage was done to his car that was quite old and beat up already. Thank goodness he was okay and so was my sister.

The more I thought about her accident I realized that had there been cars in the other lanes not far behind the guy that hit her, it would have been a horrible accident. It reminded me again how fast our lives can be taken. Becky had an angel looking after her that day.

We all have bad days but it is nice to know that the sun does rise again. There are just some days that the clouds hide the rays, but the storm eventually will pass. Life is fragile, so lets try to live, love, and laugh more often. If the clouds block the rays let someone lift you up or be that for someone else. Thanks for the love and continued prayers!

I Can't Go There...

From reading my title you would probably think I am talking about a place to visit. A place that you could go on vacation, a place you could actually see, but for whatever reason I can't go. The place that I am talking about is a place that no one would ever want to go, definitely not a vacation and yet I visit it often even though I say that I can't go there.

Today I have been there often and I'm finding ways to run from there as fast as I can and yet I continue to go back. This place is a dreadful place in my mind. Not a place that is made up but a place that actually exists. It made a home in my mind about a year and a half ago. I use to visit this place every hour of every day at first. Then it move to once a day, to a couple times a week, to once a week, to every other week, to every few weeks, to once a month, to about every other month currently.

How do I get there? I don't really know, it just happens so fast. I try not to stay and visit, but sometimes I guess it captivates me as if I am watching a scary movie, but it has just enough of my attention that I hang around a little longer just to see and then one more scary thing happens and I turn it off as fast as I can. It feels a little like that. I don't really know what the trigger is for me today. Maybe it is the weather, or that I can really feel my baby kicking a lot today and I'm grateful for it but it scares me to have another one, maybe it is because our pool is finally drained and it has taken a huge weight off my shoulders, but it reminds me why the pool worries me and why having the water out of it makes me feel better inside. Or maybe it is just because I miss Kamber today and the events of her death still haunt me regardless of the fact that I know she is happy and right where she is meant to be. That is still hard for me to fully accept, but for the most part it is enough for me to keep trucking along.

I just wish that the images of that sad day would just go away and that I wouldn't have to visit that place anymore. But today I have gone there all to often and have fled a couple of times. This last time caught me for a moment, I cried and said out loud I CAN'T GO THERE, I JUST CAN'T, TODAY IT HURTS TO BAD.

Thanks for listening, sometimes writing it down helps relieve the pressure from it all.

Easter and TWO Birthdays!

The beginning of April is always a busy time of year for us. Easter is usually right around then and we have two birthdays within days of each other in our family and General Conference, which to me is relaxing. What if you combine all those days into one, is that relaxing then? Not really, but that is what we did this year. Brookie's birthday was on Saturday the 3rd, Easter and Conference was on the 4th and Ethan's birthday was on the 8th. So heck, why not celebrate it all in one day!

Instead of doing Brookie's party on Saturday we had some cousins over to dye Easter eggs. Candi and Bj always like us to dye eggs with them and this tradition started when we live only a few minutes away from them and they have continued to want us to be with them since we moved away and I'm glad they always ask us every year! They brought their two boys over and we went to town making fun eggs and the kids had lots of fun.






Do you see Tayler's funny face in this picture? Here is the story behind the face. Ethan had just got done washing his hands and just out of sight there was candle burning. I was trying to take a picture of the girls and right at the same time Ethan purposely caught the paper towel he was holding on fire and started yelling. Of course it distracted the girls and evidently scared the crap out of Tayler and I caught her funny face in the picture. I guess Kylie is use to Ethans pranks because her face looks more relaxed.

The girls wanted to make a Kamber egg, something to represent her presence on Easter. So they made a special egg just for her. It of course had to be purple and it said "We Love Kamber." Yes, we sure do!

The next morning the Easter Bunny came and the girls were off to find Easter eggs!








After Easter egg hunting we got dressed in a hurry and decided to go down to Kamber's grave while it was still beautiful weather outside and before conference would start. We gave Kamber some flowers and an Easter basket. We wanted her to be a part of the day and she gives us an extra reminder that families really are forever and that is why we celebrate Easter. Because of Christ's sacrifice and rising from his death we will have Eternal Life and we will see Kamber again. Couldn't ask for a better time to go!


We arrived and her headstone was a little dirty so we cleaned it like usual and put some more flowers, pinwheels and an Easter basket down. I was surprised to see all the things we put on her grave for her birthday still there and they still looked really good.








I may have never posted this before, but my dad died when I was 13 years old. He is actually buried just down the way from Kamber and where Ethan and I will be buried. It is nice to know that even in death we will still be close by. Each time we go to see Kamber, we stop by and give my dad a little something. Just a little hello and I Love You!




After the cemetery we rushed home to have breakfast and watch conference. The talks were wonderful and I really enjoyed listening. After both sessions family came over for an Easter/birthday dinner for Brookie and my hubby. It was wonderful food, good company, and cute little presents. This was a great ending to a wonderful day!

Guess Who Is Two!

Today is our Brookie girls birthday. I can't believe that two years have gone by since I had her. She has been our Sunshine through the rain. We had hope for her to be a boy, but I am so glad that she is what we got. Heavenly Father definitely knows what is best.

We aren't celebrating her birthday today because we thought it would be fun to combine Easter and her birthday together and have all the family over tomorrow. SO, tomorrow will be our day of fun and eating cake and ice cream. I am grateful for Brookie bear. She continues to bring happiness to our family every day!