Not a day goes by without thinking of her

There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of Kamber. She is the last thing on my mind before I go to sleep and the first thing when I wake. I think of her and then it quickly goes away for a moment while I hurry and get my girls ready for school in the morning. The thoughts of her quickly return on my way home from dropping my girls off. I remember the morning rides with Kamber in the back seat wanting to open the gate when we returned home from dropping the girls off for school. As soon as I get back home I race to clean up the house as fast as I can before Brookie wakes, which isn't long. While I am cleaning thoughts of Kamber always enter my head. The thoughts that usually swirl in my mind are often of the day she died, the week leading up to the funeral, the dressing of her,viewing, and funeral. I wish my mind wouldn't focus on these sad things, which wasn't always sad. There were many very spiritual times during that week. I wish that more often that I would think of the time that she lived. The thoughts of her running around, laughing, playing, being silly, and being naughty, Oh! I would take naughty over being gone.

Thank goodness those sad thoughts pass and I can think and focus on the happy times. My girls make it easy for that to happen especially Brookie. She doesn't look like Kamber's twin but she acts just like her. It blows my mind how similar they are. We love that we get to see those traits in Brookie. It would be sad to never see the silly traits of Kamber ever again.

I am grateful for my quite mornings to think of Kamber and then the afternoon and evenings when my family reminds me of things that I may have forgot. I love my family, each person is so special and serves a very special purpose in our home.

Who doesn't Like Nursery? My kiddos

I don't know why it is, but my kids do not like nursery. I have yet to have a child that enjoys it. What is there not to love. Two hours of playing with toys, singing, and having yummy snacks. I guess that doesn't count as fun to my girls. Tayler would scream until she would throw up, Kylie would sream, but they wouldn't let that last long knowing what happened with Tayler, Kamber wanted nothing to do with it, in fact she didn't like church at all. She was the hardest child to take to church. My heavenly child that doesn't like church, that is kind of funny to think about. Brookie has been in nursery for a while and I have yet to have her stay 5 minutes after I leave.



This past week Ethan was sick so I took the kids to church by myself. Sacrament meeting wasn't all that bad, but that is probably because I sat in the foyer. Brookie was able to roam and that seemed to help her be more happy. Then I took her to nursery. That went pretty good for the first hour. She did keep checking to make sure I was still there from time to time, but she seemed to enjoy it. Then it came time that I had to leave to teach in Young Womens. I snuck out the door and stood for a while and heard no crying, I thought I was home free. About 10 mins. later I heard crying down the hall and sure enough it was Brookie. Thank goodness she was pretty good in Young Womens and then a friend of mine took Brookie out for a walk and tried taking Brookie into nursery to play for a while. Brookie's happiness was then shot and she was in tears again. By the time they made it back to me my lesson was over and it was time to go home. Maybe the boogie man lives in the nursery closets, I don't know, again another child that doesn't care for it. Somehow we need to break this cycle because for now Ethan takes her home to chase her around. It is either chasing her at home or chase her in the halls for 2 hours getting nothing out of church. Either way nursery should be fun, I guess mommy and daddy are more fun than any other toys.:)

This is what I do have

For Kamber's Birthday I decorated my home with some pictures of Kamber along with Valentine decorations to give it a happy feel. This is one of the pictures I had displayed on the counter. The picture is in a frame that says SISTERS. I have let the pictures stay out for our family to look at a little longer till they get moved back to the bedrooms and are not as noticeable everyday. I have enjoyed seeing this picture everyday and have it remind me that Yes, I really to have 4 girls. I have been noticing as I study this picture that my girls really do look alot alike. I never really thought that before even though I have heard this many times.

So I have reminisced on the day we took this picture and I remember how happy we all were and how very sweet all my girls were with welcoming Brookie to our family. They each were so patient waiting their turn to hold their baby sister.

Yes, I do have 4 girls, this is my family. I feel that Kamber is here very often so to me things haven't change all that much. I'm still trying to get use to not seeing her and just feeling her presence. It sometimes takes me by surprise still when I'm out and about and I hear. "So you are pregnant with your fourth then." My response is always "actually my 5th" and then I have to remind myself that Kamber's presence is so real to me and my family but that she can't be seen. That is right you can't see one of my beautiful daughters. But if anyone ever wants to know about the one that can't be seen but who's presence is strong and wonderful I will be happy to tell all about her anytime!

Happy Birthday Kamber!

Kamber's 2 yr. birthday!

Four years ago today I gave birth to our third beautiful baby girl! Four years, I cant believe it. Time has flown by so fast and yet at times it has gone so slow. My first two girls are 16 months apart and since that wore me out we waited 31/2 years before we got Kamber. Before we got pregnant I kept having the feeling that we were suppose to have another child, but I didn't feel quite ready. I put off that feeling for about 6 months and Kamber was conceived the very month we thought that maybe we would think about having another child. She was suppose to be a part of our family, we knew that form the start. Little did we know that she would only be with us for a short while. She was a great new addition to our family and brought so much happiness and joy. We still as a family talk about all the funny things she did that made us laugh on a daily basis. She was here to teach us about pure love and the happiness that life can bring. She is a special light in our lives even today as we think about the beautiful girl that she is.



Like I said 4 yrs old, wow! I have thought and wondered what she would look like today. To me when you are 4 you are no longer a toddler. Your looks change so much and you start acting more like a little girl. It does make me alittle sad when I try to picture her as a young girl and can't. My girls were even saying today that it feels like she is turning 2 again. I know what they mean, her 2 yr. old birthday was the last one we had for her months before she died.



Regardless for all the sad memories we are happy to celebrate her birthday and have a party for her with all of our family and close friends! So here's to Kamber turning 4 and all the fun times we had with her!

Kamber's Birthday is Coming

Kamber's birthday is in 10 days. I can't believe how fast time is flying by. My little girl would be 4 yrs. old this year. I can't believe it! I have tried to picture what she would look like now, but I can't. I wonder what she would be saying now, but I can't. I still picture her as my little 2 1/2 yr. old blond haired girl. I often wonder what life would be like now taking her to preschool and seeing all the new things she would be learning. It would be fun to watch her play with Brookie and would she understand that she would be a big sister again?

Time ticks by before we know it and I am planning another party for my child who is not here. But it will be a day filled with memories of her and happiness for the time we spent with her. We will do the same things as last year, which I think made it a happy day for all. Anyone that would like is invited to come, just send me a comment so I can plan on you!