Beautiful song- come listen!

A blogging friend sent this song over for me to hear. I have never met Kim or even knew that she read my blog before today. She was inspired to send this song to me telling me the song reminded her of myself even though she didn't know me other than through my blog.

I think Kim knows me better than she thinks because this song applies to me and my grief and healing as of now. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Kim. To everyone else take a listen, it is truly beautiful!

We Have A Birthday!

It is Kylie's B-day today and she turns 8!!! I can't believe that 8 years ago I had here, a little baby girl. Actually not little, but big 9 lbs, 2 oz. and up till Max she was my biggest. Kylie has been so fun to have. She has the biggest heart and the most fiery personality. She is very honest and it sometimes gets her into trouble, but she tells it like it is. She is a great big sister and always willing to help. Kylie loves to play outside and be active. I would have to say that she is more of a daddy's girl and would follow him to the moon. I love getting hugs from her and there are plenty to go around. I am so excited for her to get baptised and she would say that she is a little nervous. I know she will do great and we are so very proud of her.:)

We Love you Kylie Bear!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Soccer

My girls are playing soccer this year. We have never done it before because I never even thought about it as an option. To me girls play sports like softball, volleyball, tennis, and even swim. These were the sports I was put in when I was young. I played volleyball my freshman year in school and discovered that I loved track more. I ran varsity track from a sophomore up. Sports were important to me growing up and I was quite good at it, never the star of the team but definitely held my own. I was never much of a girlie girl I guess you would say. Lets just put it this way, when the girls were playing with dolls I was playing football with the boys in the neighborhood or doing relay races with them and betting I could beat them and I would.:)

My girls played tennis and swim team last year. Lets just say tennis isn't really our thing. Swim team went really well and if we hadn't moved and I being pregnant we would have done it this year too. I went to one of my friends sisters High school soccer games last year and had so much fun watching her play. I realized what an intense sport it is and girls can hold there own. I decided then that I wanted my girls to try playing this season.

My girls have been going at it for about a month now and love it. We have had two games and they have scored goals in each of them. Kylie is very aggressive out on the field. She wants the ball and she is going to get it and do something with it. Even if that means you get knocked down when in her way. It's all part of the game. Tayler is not quite as aggressive, but is pretty good with her feet and sneaks the ball away with a good kick down field. Tayler is very accurate at kicking the ball and both goals have been made by someone passing the ball to her up field and her kicking it into the goal. Both girls are doing so good especially it being their first year. Needless to say I am proud of them and glad they love going to soccer! I'm sure there are going to be more updates as the year rolls on.

Thinking about her

I think of Kamber everyday. There is never a day that goes by that she is not on my mind, but she doesn't consume every moment like she did in the beginning. I have our last family picture on the opening page of our computer. Many times I just glance at it for a second and then open up what I need on the computer. Today I stopped and stared at the picture and was drawn to focus primarily on Kamber. I noticed that she does look a little more like me, especially when I compare her features to mine. The shape of her eyes, the shape of her nose and even her smile. She did get my blue eyes, but hers are a little lighter and more sparkly.

My heart swells every time I look at her. She brings so much happiness, her smile just lights up. This is how she was when she was here, she lit up our lives! I have a little ping in my heart today. I miss her, but I am able to deal. I love days when I really focus on her. It reminds me she was really here, she was mine and IS mine FOREVER. :)

I've never shown this version of our family picture, but it gives a good insight as to how silly Kamber was. Everything was funny and it was always time to be silly. So here she is being goofy before we got our last family shot.



Notice Ethans face. He hates pictures and just wants it done and over with. Now he adores these pictures, but still doesn't like taking them.

Meet Max- cute pics!

Max is a month in these pictures. He is now 7 weeks-time sure does fly by when you are having fun witha new little one!

My friend Tara took the pictures of Max. Thanks so much Tara, I love these pics!!!

Go check out Tara's website: http://www.photosbytmb.com/

Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?

I received a phone call from a long time friend of mine this week. She left me a message to call her back as soon as possible and I could hear in her voice that something was wrong. I called her back immediately and with a quivered voice she told me about her friend that lost a little boy to a drowning this week. She was devastated about her friend and so mad knowing there was nothing she could do to take away the pain. One thing that she said that stuck out to me was WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE? I don't have the answer to that question. It would be nice if bad things only happened to bad people, but they don't.

My heart broke all over again knowing what this family was going through. Not even I who has been through this not long ago is able to do anything to take away the pain for this family. All I can do is be there for her and listen and validate feelings if she chooses to confide in me.

All I know is that Heavenly Father has a plan for each one of us. Sometimes he allows things to happen and when it is something as devastating as losing a child it is hard to accept. I use to think after losing my dad that if I prayed hard enough everyday that nothing would happen to my family that the prayer would be answered and no one else would be taken from me before it was time, assuming that everyone's time should be when we are all really old. I also thought if I made sure I went to church every week, and did everything the prophets ask of us my family would be safe. That is part of what was shattered the day Kamber died. I realized it didn't matter how good of a person you are, Bad things happen to good people.

I now look back and see the growth. I don't have such a childish way of following the gospel. The guilt of not being perfect doesn't ride on my shoulders like it did before. I know I am here to learn and grow and sometimes it will be a devastation that we will learn from. I haven't conquered this trial yet and somedays I still fight everything I believe. Turning to Christ and Heavenly Father has never been so hard and easy at the same time. I just have to have faith that this is how its to be and everything will be okay at the end.

Bad things happen to good people and I don't fully understand why, but I know we have to find a way to keep putting one foot in front of the other as hard as that might be. Please pray for this family that they will feel Heavenly Fathers love and peace.

Love,
Jen