Hooray!

Yesterday we took Kylie in for another X-Ray to see if the battery had passed out of her system. Honestly I can't say that I looked that hard, it makes me gag just thinking about it. Kylie told me that yesterday she had told her teacher about the battery she swallowed and that if her teacher brought in her cell phone charger that she could plug it into her stomach to charge her phone. Where do kids think of the silly things that they say?

So, down to the doctors we went and an x-ray was done and no battery was found! The doctor then told us that thank heaven it did pass because if it hadn't he would be sending us down to the hospital for them to go in a take it out. Oh no, that would not have been good. Kylie's eyes got huge as she heard that and promised that she would not swallow anymore batteries unless she was choking on one like she did that night. She says" What would you have liked me to do? Swallow the battery or choke and die?". Definitely swallow the battery, I love you too much Kylie and don't know that I could live without you.

It's Been A Roller Coaster

Sometimes life just goes up and down. Sometimes it surges forward and then it slows down. That is a little how I have felt here lately. I feel I have been riding a crazy roller coater for the past little while. Bursting forward and then flying backwards and being jerked from side to side. There are even times I don't even know where I am going because my eyes are closed not wanting to see what is coming next.

School is almost out and summer will be here. I love getting to spend more time with my kids. I do have times that I wish they could be back in school during the summer, but most of the time I really enjoy having them around, though I notice as they are getting older they are not wanting to spend as much time with me, but with their friends. That is okay though I expect that to happen. What do I love about summer? I love getting to sleep in if I want. I love that my girls get to sleep till they are ready to wake up and not be grumpy. I love having days of taking it easy if we want. I love going swimming with them and watching movies during quiet time. I love just having them around!

This weekend Tayler will turn 9. Can you believe that? She is growning up so fast. She is turning into such a big kid, no longer a little girl. I love what a big help she is and her sweet personality. We are just going to have a small little family get together for her, it will be just perfect.

In two weeks we are moving out of our home. With that it brings alot of emotions. In so many ways I am so happy to leave this home. SO many hard emotions are here. We really feel it is what we are to do, but at the same time it is hard to leave the home that Kamber spent the last part of her life in. It is a very complicated feeling and leaves me exhausted. We pray that this is going to be healing for us and most of the time I really feel it will.

We just got home from a little family vacation. It was a lot of fun! We had 3 other families go with us and made for quite an adventure and the kids loved it. I will do a post soon just about our weekend get away! On our way home yesterday we got stuck in traffic on the 93. About maybe 5 minutes ahead of us there was a horrible accident that had happened. Three life flight helicopters were called in, firetrucks,a couple ambulance, and a lot of DPS. We arrived just minutes after it happened so we saw all the rescue workers arriving to help. Not long later we found out that people had died at the scene of the accident. My heart broke and my mood changed for the remainder of the day and it is still affecting me in some ways today. As we were traveling home Ethan said to me "May 23rd is now someone elses July 25th." It is so true, someone lost a member or members of their family yesterday. Someones life was turned upside down and their world has stopped for them. Then as we called family as we were driving home we found out that one of our Brother in laws, brother in law had past away on Saturday night. He had been suffering with cancer for six years. He left a wife and young kids behind. His wife Patty was such a sweetheart to us when Kamber died. I remember her coming over with a small gift to cheer up my girls and a beautiful smelling perfume for me. Sometimes when you are down, a pretty sent can lift your spirits for a while. Again the roller coaster traveled down hill as I remember loosing my dad at a young age after battling cancer for six years. My heart broke knowing how they feel. Even after having been through this trial myself there is still a helpless feeling of how to help. Extra prayers are sent their way and I know that angels are sent to us during these hard times and we are lifted up. That is the only way we are able to put one foot in front of the other during the early stages.

So yes,the roller coaster is rolling at a rapid speed and I would like it to slow down. But during these harder times I can see Heavenly Fathers hand holding me in, keeping me and my family safe along the way. He is guiding the coaster and I know that it won't fall of the tracks and I won't fall off because he and his angels are there. He is real and his love is real for each one of us. He doesn't leave us alone, especially when we feel that we are slipping.

What is your Favorite Food?

I would have to say that my favorite food is Mexican food. I love shredded beef tacos! Last night we had Chinese food and I would have to say that it is another one of my favorite foods. I enjoyed it and so did my girls, but Kylie had a little snack afterwards. I can't say that she really enjoyed her snack, actually I don't think she even got to taste it since it was down her throat in a matter of minutes. How many of you enjoy eating batteries?. Not the big ones or even a triple AAA, but a watch battery? Yep, you guessed it. Kylis ate a battery last night and scared us and also gave us and the doctors a little chuckle.

Kylie was down in her room being a good big sister and playing with Brookie. I guess Kylie was laughing and Brookie had found the battery and put it in Kylies mouth. She somehow swallowed the battery rather than spitting it out. Next thing I knew Kylie was panicking and in tears. Ethan walked through the door and asked what the heck was going on. We told him and he called poison control who wanted us to go straight down to the ER. The nearest hospital of course is the dreaded hospital and we have had go far to often over the past year and a half. On our way down we called poison control again and asked if we could go to a urgent care since an x-ray was needed and yes we could. So we dodged the bullet of the hospital and Kylie was relieved since she was convinced that the hospital was going to cut her open without putting her to sleep to take the battery out. We went to the Phoenix Children's Urgent Care on Higley and they got us right in and did the x-ray. The battery had already moved into her stomach which is a good place for it to be given the situation. Since it is a small battery and new, chances of it corroding are slim. So now we just watch her and wait for it to pass. Fun times at the Larsen home.

Today is my Father in Laws Birthday! Happy Birthday Rich!!!

Such a Slacker

I have been slacking with keeping up with my blogging. I thought that if I stopped writing on my family blog that it would make it easier to keep up with my Kamber blog. Can't say that, that has happened. I've just been in a funk here lately. Everything I do feels like I have to put so much effort into it. I just can't get my spirits up to where they use to be not long ago. I keep blaming it on my pregnancy and maybe that is a big reason why I am slugging along in life. I do have to say that I have finally hit the point in my pregnancy that I am uncomfortable. I don't know if it has something to do with the hot weather that has started up or the fact that I am very close to my 10 week count down and flat out I am getting bigger and there is not much more room for my baby boy to grow. I am already getting swollen in my hands and feet and I hate how that feels.

On Saturday I was really productive and cleaned my house spotless and did a good amount of laundry, along with running a few errands. By the evening time my body sure did feel it. I could really tell that I worked hard. But even though I am accomplishing things day to day I just have a little cloud over my head. I can't seem to handle the normal things as easily. A lot of things bug me, my patience is running thin. Maybe my medicine that keeps my mood in check isn't working as well or maybe I'm just a grump. I do have a lot on my plate right now. That could be the reason for all the panic attacks I have been having recently. Maybe this time of year is just hard for me. We had Mother's Day, then school gets out and Tayler has her birthday and I wish she could stop growing up so fast. And then we have Memorial Day which I didn't mind till Kamber died and our annual cleaning of the graves with my husbands extended family has now included one of my daughters. It makes the experience so different when you stand over your own child's grave. I have seriously thought of boycotting it this year. Last year was extremely hard for me especially when everyone started singing, I really just wanted to run away. Could I have just run away? It probably would have made everyone else feel bad but that is what I wanted to do, run and keep running. Well maybe this year won't be so bad since I have been there, done that. So maybe those are all contributors to my cloud. I know that the cloud will pass and the sun will shine brightly again.

I taught my last lesson in Young Womens today. My lesson was on journaling and I was wondering how I was going to be able to teach on that for a half hour. It actually went better than I expected. I found one of my journals from when I was 12 and read one of my journal entries from it. They seemed to be interested in what was going on in my life when I was their age. Then I read them one of my entries from my journal now that I wrote about them. I read to them how much being their leader has blessed my life and the happiness they have brought. I ended up crying and they were too. We are moving in a couple of weeks and I wanted them to know how much I care for them and that they have impact my life for good. That is one great thing about the church, you get callings to serve and when you put your heart into service you are blessed in more ways than you even realize. I love my young women and will miss them. Being with them today gave me a ray of sunshine. And then another ray came through when I found out that Brookie stayed all the way through nursery for the first time!!! Yeah Brookie!

I really am grateful for my family and they do make me very happy, just sometimes I get in a funk. Hope all of you are staying sane with the crazy end of the year, summer vacation will be here before we know it and I love that time of year!

Our Angel Watching Out For US!

We live in a gated community and really love it here. Something about having the gates and fencing all around the neighborhood has made me feel more safe in my own home. I have always been one to be paranoid of something happening to our home or to one of us while at home.

When Ethan and I were first married and lived in an apartment. I had a real scare with someone trying to come in our apartment while I was there. I had just had Tayler and it was in the morning so I was still in my pj's. I was sitting on our couch feeding her when I heard and saw the handle on the front door start to turn. Thank goodness the door was locked, so I waited and then it happened again and again. Then they were pushing on the door and then it sounded like they had some kind of a key and trying to open it. I knew it wasn't Ethan because he would have yelled through the door to open it. I put Tayler down and ran to the door with the phone and called Ethan while pushing on the door and holding to locks. I was panicked as Ethan answered. I told him what was happening and he switched to three way and called 911. I think whoever it was heard me on the other side and then all of a sudden vanished. I did have a split second to look out the peep hole during the panic to see a man with a blue collared shirt on. The police came and searched the area and then reported to me that there were maintenance workers around the complex and that it was one of them, they just didn't have the right key or apartment. I was really upset because we hadn't reported anything wrong or had been told if anyone was coming to the apartment. I told the police officer that he didn't even knock on the door before he tried to barge right in. The police man had told me that in Gilbert apartments that they as a complex have access to our apartment at any time and they don't have to give any notice. So you mean I could have been in the shower and have someone walk into my home at anytime? Yes. After that I told Ethan we needed to move out of that complex as soon as possible.

So ever since then I have been a little paranoid. Well on Monday I had a doctors appointment, one of my monthly check ups and I am a little over 27 wks. Not too far left to go! While I was gone Ethan came home to do some paper work in the office at our house. He came in through the garage and went straight into the office not paying attention to anything but what was on his mind. About 5 minutes passed and he heard the door open and beep from our alarm and then slam shut. It scared the heck out of him because he knew I wasn't home and that no one else was to be here, So he thought. He got up and walked into the hallway to find the back door wide open and the dogs halfway inside, which they know better. Hearing them bark when you get home is normal so that hadn't alarmed him till he realized the the back door was open and he had just heard someone leave. Someone was in our home while he was here. Nothing was taken but just knowing someone was in our home that shouldn't is scary. I text my neighbors to remind them to lock there doors when they leave because I didn't remember to lock our back door and look what happen even though I thought our neighborhood was extremely safe since unless you have the code you can't get in. One of my neighbors called me soon after to tell me that the night before they came home to their back doors wide open and someone leaving right as they entered their home. Her husband had actually heard someone say "I think they are home!" Something is going on. The police have been called and reports have been made. All I can gather from our situation is that angels are watching out for us. Ethan was protected that day because it could have turned out bad had the person been violent. I am grateful for the angels in our life and that we have a couple that we know personally watching out for us. I am sure Kamber had a part to play in keeping her daddy safe that day!

Mother's Day!

I guess I should blog about Mother's Day even though I don't really feel up to it, but I feel it needs to be part of this journal of mine.

I got to sleep in for a while before we had to get ready for church. I went into my kitchen to pick up a couple of things so I wouldn't be in a bad mood on Mother's Day. A messy kitchen really bugs me. While I was in there wiping down counters Tayler came in with a big smile on her face and a cute bag with a flower on it for me to open. She had made her present at school and had hid it in her back pack all weekend so I wouldn't have a chance to see it before the special day. She made the cutest pens with flowers on the top. These flower pens were in a pot with some greenery and a sign that had a cute little poem. Tayler did a great job on her gift and it was perfect, it actually brought tears to my eyes and she was so excited.

Kylie had expressed the night before how much she did not like her teacher at school. She was really upset that her teacher didn't let them make Mother's Day gifts. This was the first year for that and why her teacher decided not to, I don't know. I told Kylie that it was fine and that the best gift from her would be a hug and being kind. I think she accepted that until she saw Tayler giving me a gift. So that morning Kylie went in and cutout a paper heart and wrote a sweet little note. Then she got a brown bag and grabbed a toothbrush, toothpaste, hand sanitizer, and sour patch kids candy, which she knows is one of my favorites. These are all things we have at the house but she had fun putting it together and giving it to me and of course I loved the present just because she thought of me!

Brookie actually was a little sinker in the morning, but she brightened up as the day went on. Ethan gave me a... BIG HUGE ... HUG. He had been asking me all week what I would like for Mother's Day and my reply was nothing just help out with the kids and maybe I'll take a little nap. I was serious about getting nothing, I just don't need things, honestly just his love and later a shoulder to cry on. Last year was really hard on me. It was my first Mother's Day with out Kamber and I was in the toilet. I really didn't know how I was to live through that week prior or that day. I was a wreck. Ethan actually went out last year and bought me a beautiful ring that had Kamber's birthstone in it. He knew my heart was broken and he wanted to give me something special that I could cherish forever. It didn't fix all my emotions but I wear it all the time, keeping a piece of Kamber close to my heart.

So this year I wore my jewelry and Kamber was on my mind. Emotions were close to the surface but this year instead of being devastated I knew I would endure and focused on what is now. I have 3 of my sweet little girls here, one close by in heaven, and a little boy waiting to come and it brought a sense of peace and some happiness that surprised me.

We went to church and I could feel the tears close by, but I was able to fight them off. After sacrament we changed and raced to see my mom before she had to go to church, then left and ate lunch at home and then went out to Ethan's parents home to see his mom and grandma. By this time of day I was tired from fighting emotions and yes crying at one point during to day, but it was good to let out some of that built up energy. I couldn't wait to get home and put this day, which was good, mostly happy, and better than expected behind me.

I hope everyone had a great mother's Day and that my mom and mother in-law know how much we love and appreciate them!

Do You Remember?

Each morning I have a routine. Get up and go walking, come home get girls ready for school, and return to start cleaning the house. While I am cleaning my mind always wonders, and a lot of my deep thinking happens at this time. I reflect on my life and where my life seems to be heading. It is funny how all my thoughts always end up on Kamber and how all of our lives are in direct correlation with our Heavenly Father and returning back to him. Everything has a direct tie to life after death, our home in the eternities. We really are here striving to make it back to our Heavenly home.

Today I thought back to when I was a little girl. One of my favorite things to do on Sundays after church and dinner was to lay a blanket and pillow down behind one of our chairs in our family room in a little corner. I would place the magazine The Friend in the corner along with coloring books, a journal, and family pictures. I would look through these things and often times take a nap. From my little spot I could see the kitchen and would enjoy watching my mom make dessert and talking with my dad. Those were happy times that I remember. I remember one particular time sitting there talking with my mom and telling her that I wanted to be married by the time I was 19 and start having kids when I was 20. I was also going to have 6 kids of my own and a happy marriage! Mom freaked out a bit about the getting married at 19 and kids at 20, her exact words were " You better not." At that age 19 seemed old, old enough I guess. As I grew up I really didn't think more about it. As I hit High School I was more focused on going to school and hanging out with friends. I knew that I wanted to be married at a younger age, but 19 wasn't on my radar, per say. I thought I would be a Dental Hygienist, but later realized that was more my mom's dream not mine. Going to Hair School was always in the back of my head, but I didn't know how my mom would feel about that. I also had really thought I would do something in the medical field, like be a nurse or maybe work with Hospice. Hospice? you probably wonder why in the heck would I want that. My dad was in Hospice care before he died. I was to young to understand it then. I had watched so many people die in my life especially right around the time that my dad died. 3 months before my dad my Grandpa died and 3 months before that my Grandma had died. Since then I have had many aunts and uncles and other Grandparents die. These were all during my Jr. High and High School years. I wanted to be able to help others through their hard times.

Well, some of those dreams, which really were thoughts have come true in my life. I married at 19 which I never thought would really happen. Had a child by 20, which again never thought would really happen. I am almost to 6 children, holy cow! never thought that would really happen. I have a happy marriage to my Best Friend, I really hoped that would happen! I did go to Hair School, glad that it happened and that I can do hair and make a little bit of money. I'm not a nurse or work in the medical field, maybe some day. I don't work with Hospice but we are in the process of teaming up with the M.I.S.S. Foundation to do Kamber's Kaskets. It is all non-profit to help families that have lost children, so maybe it won't be Hospice at least for now, but in a way it is to help others.

So, some dreams have come true and some things have happened in my life that I never wanted to have happen or even dreamed would happen to me or my family. But, as I reflect back I see the direct correlation to my Heavenly Father even if it has been something devastating for me to endure. Some days my eyes are more wide open to this concept than others, but I am grateful for those glimpses in my life.

So what do you remember? What were your hopes and dreams? Have you lived any of them and some things that you never dreamed of, as devastating as they may be? Do you ever see Heavenly Father along the way and realize that it all leads back to him?