I will... Miss you for now.
I will...Remember you always.
I will... Love you Forever.
I will... Be with you for Eternity!
Friday, August 28, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Brunch with some of Earth's Angels
Yesterday I went to brunch with some of my friends. These are women I may have never met or got to know any better had Kamber not passed away. All of these friends have lost a child. Every one has a different story and different experiences with their loss, but yet so many feelings are sooo similar. I enjoy talking, laughing, and sometimes crying with these women. When tears come to our eyes it is nice to be with those that truly understand. We don't even have to say anything, but we can feel the love for each other. I feel a special bond to each of these women and their sweet families, especially their angel children; all of who I have never personally met. Sad to say that our Arizona group of women that belong to the angel blog is growing way to fast. Since about 10 months ago our angel blog has grown from 3 to 95 children. 95 in 10 months. Can you believe that? That number includes people from mostly Utah and Arizona, but many do come from around the states. And that is just the people we are told of and that want to be a part of the blog. This number doesn't include miscarriages or stillborns. I know families are losing children every day, I know it happens more often than we realize.
I am just grateful that I have these friends in my life. I wish I could have known these women through another means, but feel thankful that I have them to travel this road with.
Thank you girls for a nice brunch yesterday, love ya!
I also would be unappreciative if I didn't mention my readers. Thank you so much for remembering my Kamber and helping to lift me up when I am down. :) Heavenly Father truly knows that I need you. Thanks to all my blogging friends!!!
I am just grateful that I have these friends in my life. I wish I could have known these women through another means, but feel thankful that I have them to travel this road with.
Thank you girls for a nice brunch yesterday, love ya!
I also would be unappreciative if I didn't mention my readers. Thank you so much for remembering my Kamber and helping to lift me up when I am down. :) Heavenly Father truly knows that I need you. Thanks to all my blogging friends!!!
Sunday, August 23, 2009
One Of Those Days, Searching For That Rainbow
I woke up this morning feeling the need to run, escape, an adrenaline rush. I was confused, where is this feeling coming from? Now that a couple of hours have passed I recognize the feeling. It's a sad low feeling. Dang it I was doing so good. It has been quite a while since I have felt this. I miss my angel girl...
I have been trying to figure out what has brought it on. Maybe it is the fact that another sweet angel has passed away last week. I know the feeling that the mother is going through and it makes me terribly sad. Maybe the feeling is brought on because a sweet friend of mine is approaching the one year mark of her child's passing and I know the sad feeling of that also. Or maybe the reason is because I have since realized that to many of my friends have lost a child and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone and that makes me sad. Maybe it is the fact that I just miss my Kamber and it has been a while since I have just let myself just feel the pain.
I should be at church right now but I sit here disappointed with myself that once again I didn't get my family ready in time. We will go to the rest of church but what is my deal? Why did I need that little bit of extra sleep, or so I thought I did. I wish I could push myself harder to dig in deep, deeper than I have.
Today I am searching extra hard for that Rainbow. I know it is there but sometimes it doesn't show up till there is a little bit of rain. Maybe I will allow the rain to pour so the sun can shine again and the rainbow can lighten my day!
I have been trying to figure out what has brought it on. Maybe it is the fact that another sweet angel has passed away last week. I know the feeling that the mother is going through and it makes me terribly sad. Maybe the feeling is brought on because a sweet friend of mine is approaching the one year mark of her child's passing and I know the sad feeling of that also. Or maybe the reason is because I have since realized that to many of my friends have lost a child and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone and that makes me sad. Maybe it is the fact that I just miss my Kamber and it has been a while since I have just let myself just feel the pain.
I should be at church right now but I sit here disappointed with myself that once again I didn't get my family ready in time. We will go to the rest of church but what is my deal? Why did I need that little bit of extra sleep, or so I thought I did. I wish I could push myself harder to dig in deep, deeper than I have.
Today I am searching extra hard for that Rainbow. I know it is there but sometimes it doesn't show up till there is a little bit of rain. Maybe I will allow the rain to pour so the sun can shine again and the rainbow can lighten my day!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Look for the Rainbows
Here lately I have been doing a lot of thinking. Now after our one year mark of Kamber's passing I have been thinking a lot of what I have learned over the past year. Somethings I feel I have blossomed in more than I ever would have not given this trial and other things are taking me some time to figure out.
I do not feel whole yet nor can I say that I truly know who I am. My world is still shattered but there are a few pieces that have found a way to mold together. I still struggle and get depressed, angry, alone, and left in despair but I also have times that I am happy, joyful, grateful, compassionate, sympathetic, and feel totally blessed. Did you notice my positives out weighed my negatives, yes there comes a time that it can happen.
Our life as we have known it has changed dramatically over the the past year. There was a time in my life that I could honestly say that things were pretty dang close to perfect. We had four beautiful daughters, a beautiful home, lots of friends, and business was pretty dang good and we were able to enjoy what it had to offer. It is amazing that in one years time that it can change so dramatically. We have lost one of our beautiful daughters for our time here on earth, we still have a home but doesn't seem a beautiful to me anymore, friends don't know what to say to me anymore, and business is not as good as it was before.
Everyone has trials that are hard for them. Sometimes I wonder if it is ever going to let up. It always does at sometime. Trials change who we are. I am not the same person I was a year ago, but feel that in some way I have change more for the better. One thing that I have noticed the most is Family Is Everything. I use to enjoy having really nice things. The value of things have dramatically changed for me. I am more grateful for the things that I do have. I cherish them and feel blessed to have what I have and this pertains to everything in my life. I am more grateful to my Heavenly Father than I think I have ever been. He has taken one of the most special people in my life yet somehow I find myself thankful for blessings in my life. There were times last year that I never thought I would ever feel this way. My husband and I find ourselves saying that we would give up everything to have Kamber back. We would live in a cardboard box if we had to. Our perspectives have changed.
I use to worry about everything that wasn't going right in my life. It would really stress me out but, now I know it is not worth worrying about as long as I have my family. Things are going to happen in life that we don't like or want to happen but I have learned as long as we hold on to what we believe and cling to our families we can make it through the storms. We have every right to be upset during the hard times but as long as we don't let those feelings linger and always strive to look to the positive we will endure the storm and soon it will pass making us better.
The storm hasn't yet passed for us and there may always be a cloud over our heads but we are trying to always look for rainbows!
I do not feel whole yet nor can I say that I truly know who I am. My world is still shattered but there are a few pieces that have found a way to mold together. I still struggle and get depressed, angry, alone, and left in despair but I also have times that I am happy, joyful, grateful, compassionate, sympathetic, and feel totally blessed. Did you notice my positives out weighed my negatives, yes there comes a time that it can happen.
Our life as we have known it has changed dramatically over the the past year. There was a time in my life that I could honestly say that things were pretty dang close to perfect. We had four beautiful daughters, a beautiful home, lots of friends, and business was pretty dang good and we were able to enjoy what it had to offer. It is amazing that in one years time that it can change so dramatically. We have lost one of our beautiful daughters for our time here on earth, we still have a home but doesn't seem a beautiful to me anymore, friends don't know what to say to me anymore, and business is not as good as it was before.
Everyone has trials that are hard for them. Sometimes I wonder if it is ever going to let up. It always does at sometime. Trials change who we are. I am not the same person I was a year ago, but feel that in some way I have change more for the better. One thing that I have noticed the most is Family Is Everything. I use to enjoy having really nice things. The value of things have dramatically changed for me. I am more grateful for the things that I do have. I cherish them and feel blessed to have what I have and this pertains to everything in my life. I am more grateful to my Heavenly Father than I think I have ever been. He has taken one of the most special people in my life yet somehow I find myself thankful for blessings in my life. There were times last year that I never thought I would ever feel this way. My husband and I find ourselves saying that we would give up everything to have Kamber back. We would live in a cardboard box if we had to. Our perspectives have changed.
I use to worry about everything that wasn't going right in my life. It would really stress me out but, now I know it is not worth worrying about as long as I have my family. Things are going to happen in life that we don't like or want to happen but I have learned as long as we hold on to what we believe and cling to our families we can make it through the storms. We have every right to be upset during the hard times but as long as we don't let those feelings linger and always strive to look to the positive we will endure the storm and soon it will pass making us better.
The storm hasn't yet passed for us and there may always be a cloud over our heads but we are trying to always look for rainbows!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Seriously thinking of going PRIVATE!!
I got an email from one of my friends about another one of my friends that was very disturbing.
She has sitemeter on her website and had discovered her children's pictures on a pornographic website.
This is what she wrote:
I have SITE METER attached to my blog spot but unfortunately I have been really bad about checking it for unusual visiting sites this past year. To be honest, I have always been very trusting and thought that I could never be the one whom wackos actually target and stalk so I rarely have made efforts to check. Tonight I chose to click into it and directly on the first page I noticed an unusual website that had viewed my blog. Curiously, I clicked onto it to see what it was. The site contained dozens and dozens of images. I began looking closer at them and come to find out there were some VERY inappropriate pictures. I clicked out of the site immediately and sat there talking to Brett about my concerns. We both became VERY worried. The more I sat there, THE MORE SICK TO MY STOMACH I WAS. IF THIS PAGE HAD DIRECT AFFILIATION TO MY BLOG, THEN THAT MEANS THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE THAT THEY HAVE A PICTURE OF MY KIDS OR FAMILY ON THAT PAGE.
With out hesitation, I went right back to that page. I was so scared of what I was going to find. There were hundreds of pictures on that page and I looked through each one very quickly but efficiently when all of a sudden I FOUND A PICTURE OF MY SWEET TAYLIN. Yes, a picture of my sweet Taylin on the same page as pornographic AND child perverted pictures. I then returned BACK to my site meter to look for other sites in direct affiliation with my blog. I found a different website that had come to my page 5 TIMES THAT INCLUDED A PICTURE OF RIDGE WITH HIS LITTLE BUNS SHOWING AS HE WAS SITTING ON THE TABLE DOING DISHES. I'm just sick right now. My sweet innocent children so exposed. I FEEL SO VIOLATED AND SCARED.
I immediately googled the website BING to find out more about what it is. I then went to WWW.VOICEFORTHECHILDREN.BLOGSPOT.COM to see if I could find anything. Here is an explanation of what this website is. BING:BING is a recent search engine launched by Microsoft. The major problem with Bing is that it has brought pornography directly into your home or office. Porn is no longer a few clicks away.When you search on Bing, you no longer have to click to go to a different website to view porn. All you have to do is roll over the thumbnail image of the video on the video will begin to play snippets of the pornographic video.Imagine the harmful effects if a child is searching on Bing and merely rolls over the image and instantly the child is watching a porn video.This is completely unacceptable and irresponsible of Microsoft to launch a program such as this without a solution to block pornographic videos.
DO NOT USE BING AND ESPECIALLY DO NOT LET YOUR CHILDREN SEARCH ON BING!!*Do yourselves a favor and add VOICEFORTHECHILDREN to your blog. My uncle, Jeremy Geigle, is President of Arizona Family Council and between him and a few other family members, they are SO diligent about keeping this blog up to date. They want nothing more than to educate all of us on how we can keep our families safe and protected from the pornographic world. As ruthless as it is, I hope I DID scare a lot of you.
We stay so sheltered and ignorant thinking it will never happen to us...but let me tell you people, CHILD PORNOGRAPHY IS EVERYWHERE.
Let me remind everyone too that Phoenix now is the #1 kidnapping capital in America.*
If you have kids old enough to play games on the computer, I HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend that you download this web protection site to your computer. We have had it all year long, until our computer broke. We recently got our computer back and I forgot to re-download this protection, WHICH IS WHY I COULD EVEN ACCESS THAT BING WEBSITE WITH THOSE IMAGES.
I PROMISE you, having this K9 WEB PROTECTION is the BEST way as of right now, to protect your kids from seeing anything pornographic or inappropriate on the computer. Pornography is so available that even if your baby started slamming down on keys, a porn website could pop it. Any porn sites, sites with questionable images, swim suit sites, facebook, youtube, and other social networking sites are ALL BLOCKED. It is VERY FILTERED. HOWEVER, you will have an ACCESS password that will allow you (as the adult) to type in a password that will allow you to enter into a site you want available to you. You will have to type in the password every time you want to enter the site. (it's one extra step that is worth the 2 seconds).
I love knowing that I can walk out of the room now with my kids playing on the computer and I have NO concerns that something will pop up.
She has sitemeter on her website and had discovered her children's pictures on a pornographic website.
This is what she wrote:
I have SITE METER attached to my blog spot but unfortunately I have been really bad about checking it for unusual visiting sites this past year. To be honest, I have always been very trusting and thought that I could never be the one whom wackos actually target and stalk so I rarely have made efforts to check. Tonight I chose to click into it and directly on the first page I noticed an unusual website that had viewed my blog. Curiously, I clicked onto it to see what it was. The site contained dozens and dozens of images. I began looking closer at them and come to find out there were some VERY inappropriate pictures. I clicked out of the site immediately and sat there talking to Brett about my concerns. We both became VERY worried. The more I sat there, THE MORE SICK TO MY STOMACH I WAS. IF THIS PAGE HAD DIRECT AFFILIATION TO MY BLOG, THEN THAT MEANS THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE THAT THEY HAVE A PICTURE OF MY KIDS OR FAMILY ON THAT PAGE.
With out hesitation, I went right back to that page. I was so scared of what I was going to find. There were hundreds of pictures on that page and I looked through each one very quickly but efficiently when all of a sudden I FOUND A PICTURE OF MY SWEET TAYLIN. Yes, a picture of my sweet Taylin on the same page as pornographic AND child perverted pictures. I then returned BACK to my site meter to look for other sites in direct affiliation with my blog. I found a different website that had come to my page 5 TIMES THAT INCLUDED A PICTURE OF RIDGE WITH HIS LITTLE BUNS SHOWING AS HE WAS SITTING ON THE TABLE DOING DISHES. I'm just sick right now. My sweet innocent children so exposed. I FEEL SO VIOLATED AND SCARED.
I immediately googled the website BING to find out more about what it is. I then went to WWW.VOICEFORTHECHILDREN.BLOGSPOT.COM to see if I could find anything. Here is an explanation of what this website is. BING:BING is a recent search engine launched by Microsoft. The major problem with Bing is that it has brought pornography directly into your home or office. Porn is no longer a few clicks away.When you search on Bing, you no longer have to click to go to a different website to view porn. All you have to do is roll over the thumbnail image of the video on the video will begin to play snippets of the pornographic video.Imagine the harmful effects if a child is searching on Bing and merely rolls over the image and instantly the child is watching a porn video.This is completely unacceptable and irresponsible of Microsoft to launch a program such as this without a solution to block pornographic videos.
DO NOT USE BING AND ESPECIALLY DO NOT LET YOUR CHILDREN SEARCH ON BING!!*Do yourselves a favor and add VOICEFORTHECHILDREN to your blog. My uncle, Jeremy Geigle, is President of Arizona Family Council and between him and a few other family members, they are SO diligent about keeping this blog up to date. They want nothing more than to educate all of us on how we can keep our families safe and protected from the pornographic world. As ruthless as it is, I hope I DID scare a lot of you.
We stay so sheltered and ignorant thinking it will never happen to us...but let me tell you people, CHILD PORNOGRAPHY IS EVERYWHERE.
Let me remind everyone too that Phoenix now is the #1 kidnapping capital in America.*
If you have kids old enough to play games on the computer, I HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend that you download this web protection site to your computer. We have had it all year long, until our computer broke. We recently got our computer back and I forgot to re-download this protection, WHICH IS WHY I COULD EVEN ACCESS THAT BING WEBSITE WITH THOSE IMAGES.
I PROMISE you, having this K9 WEB PROTECTION is the BEST way as of right now, to protect your kids from seeing anything pornographic or inappropriate on the computer. Pornography is so available that even if your baby started slamming down on keys, a porn website could pop it. Any porn sites, sites with questionable images, swim suit sites, facebook, youtube, and other social networking sites are ALL BLOCKED. It is VERY FILTERED. HOWEVER, you will have an ACCESS password that will allow you (as the adult) to type in a password that will allow you to enter into a site you want available to you. You will have to type in the password every time you want to enter the site. (it's one extra step that is worth the 2 seconds).
I love knowing that I can walk out of the room now with my kids playing on the computer and I have NO concerns that something will pop up.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
More pics from Powell!
Tayler absolutely loved the water! This is a shallow swimming area right next to our house boat. In this pic. you can really see how clear the water is at Powell.
We had lots of fun toys to play with. Brookie loved to fill this bucket up with water and dump it out.
Here is the girls swimming again. All Day Lonnnngggg!
Brookie loved to splash in the water. This a a big rock in the water that extended out a few feet to make the perfect baby pool.
We had lots of fun toys to play with. Brookie loved to fill this bucket up with water and dump it out.
Here is the girls swimming again. All Day Lonnnngggg!
Kylie always took time to play with Brookie, but she would get frustrated when Brookie would ruin her work of art.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Glimmer of Hope and Joy Through the Darkness
Gunnar's 1st Birthday! August 1,2009
This cute little boy is one of my nephews. He holds a special place in the hearts of each person in the Larsen Family. This little boy was born on a very special day... a day that the families heart was broken, but he brought a glimmer of hope and joy.
Here is his story...
July 25 th 2008 Kamber had drown in our pool. Hearts were broken, testimonies were tested, and tons and tons of tears were shed for our sweet Kamber girl. My brother-in-law Spencer was in Colorado for his first day of training camp for the Denver Broncos when the devastating news of Kamber was relayed by his wife Annie who was still in Arizona waiting for the birth of her baby. Annie had about a month before Gunnar was to be born. Spencer was able to come down for a day to be with the family during this trying time. All the family rallied together and helped me out a ton. Annie came over every day with her little boy Tyton to help make sure things were getting done at my home. I know this was not easy for her being the last month of her pregnancy, but there she was day after day supporting us. Spencer had to head back to Colorado to finish training camp, but little did we know we would be seeing him sooner than we all expected.
The whole week of the 25th were spent planning Kamber's funeral and of course extremely emotionally, spiritually, and physically exhausting. The night of Kambers viewing Annie had said that she was having some contractions but I had no clue how strong they really were. Annie did a good job hiding it from me, which she says she wanted this time to be all about Kamber. The next day, Friday August 1st was Kamber's funeral. I have to say that I was so busy worrying about this day and being so emotional that I hardly even remember the people that spoke to me or even attended the funeral, it was such a blur. But I do remember that the chapel to our church was packed. All in support of our family and sweet Kamber. Little to my knowledge Annie was in the lobby listening to the funeral while having intense contractions. As we all went to the cemetery Annie was headed to the hospital. Later I found out that Annie was admitted to the hospital and that little Gunnar was going to be born soon. Ethan and I went home exhausted and fell asleep. That day I had a sweet experience and knew when Gunnar was born before we even got the phone call minutes after his birth. We were again heading to a hospital sooner than I had ever hoped that I would have to, but there was peace. Through our darkest moment, joy was found in this new baby boy. It turned into a beautiful day, a day of peace and a glimmer of hope and joy. Spencer came down to be with his family and he and Annie decided to name their new little boy after Kamber. They named him Gunnar Kamb Larsen. One sweet innocent child had left this earth and another had entered. Just one of the tender mercies given to our family during the hardest time in our lives.
This cute little boy is one of my nephews. He holds a special place in the hearts of each person in the Larsen Family. This little boy was born on a very special day... a day that the families heart was broken, but he brought a glimmer of hope and joy.
Here is his story...
July 25 th 2008 Kamber had drown in our pool. Hearts were broken, testimonies were tested, and tons and tons of tears were shed for our sweet Kamber girl. My brother-in-law Spencer was in Colorado for his first day of training camp for the Denver Broncos when the devastating news of Kamber was relayed by his wife Annie who was still in Arizona waiting for the birth of her baby. Annie had about a month before Gunnar was to be born. Spencer was able to come down for a day to be with the family during this trying time. All the family rallied together and helped me out a ton. Annie came over every day with her little boy Tyton to help make sure things were getting done at my home. I know this was not easy for her being the last month of her pregnancy, but there she was day after day supporting us. Spencer had to head back to Colorado to finish training camp, but little did we know we would be seeing him sooner than we all expected.
The whole week of the 25th were spent planning Kamber's funeral and of course extremely emotionally, spiritually, and physically exhausting. The night of Kambers viewing Annie had said that she was having some contractions but I had no clue how strong they really were. Annie did a good job hiding it from me, which she says she wanted this time to be all about Kamber. The next day, Friday August 1st was Kamber's funeral. I have to say that I was so busy worrying about this day and being so emotional that I hardly even remember the people that spoke to me or even attended the funeral, it was such a blur. But I do remember that the chapel to our church was packed. All in support of our family and sweet Kamber. Little to my knowledge Annie was in the lobby listening to the funeral while having intense contractions. As we all went to the cemetery Annie was headed to the hospital. Later I found out that Annie was admitted to the hospital and that little Gunnar was going to be born soon. Ethan and I went home exhausted and fell asleep. That day I had a sweet experience and knew when Gunnar was born before we even got the phone call minutes after his birth. We were again heading to a hospital sooner than I had ever hoped that I would have to, but there was peace. Through our darkest moment, joy was found in this new baby boy. It turned into a beautiful day, a day of peace and a glimmer of hope and joy. Spencer came down to be with his family and he and Annie decided to name their new little boy after Kamber. They named him Gunnar Kamb Larsen. One sweet innocent child had left this earth and another had entered. Just one of the tender mercies given to our family during the hardest time in our lives.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Enjoying the water
This is what we did most every day. I love getting to watch Ethan play with the girls. He is such a good daddy!
Two peas in a pod. Brookie adores her daddy.
Tayler and Kylie were little fish. They swam all day long. Even if they were wanting a snack they couldn't enjoy it unless they were in the water. Suckers and lake water...Yummmy!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
First night in Powell
This is first night at our camp site. We all were sitting on top of the house boat enjoying the beautiful weather! 
Here is Brookie climbing up were the girls were sitting. She followed her sister all around. Brookie is wearing her Kamber shirt in memory of her. This was a very peaceful night with thoughts and memories of our angel girl.
MMMAAHH! This is the sound Brookie makes when she is blowing kisses... Something we love to have her do. She is such a funny girl and reminds us so much of Kamber with her expressions. I love getting to see little glimpses of Kamber through our Brookie, it reminds us that she is near.Monday, August 3, 2009
One Year Ago
Like I mentioned in my last post, we went to Lake Powell on July 25th, marking one year since we lost Kamber. It was the right choice for us. It helped break up the day and focus on brighter days to come. We stopped by the cemetery on our way out of town to see Kamber and leave flowers. Her headstone looked the most beautiful I have ever seen it since it was put in. It was clean with not a spec of dirt or dust on it. The grass around it was a beautiful green. It was so neat to see it this way especially on this day. We felt peace while we were there and sad that we even had to experience a day like this. We of course remembered the time of the events and watched the clock as that time approached, but it was so nice not to be in our home during that time. The 5 hour drive to the lake was a great time for us as a family to talk about Kamber and the funny things that she did and the things that we miss the most. The 25th was a peaceful day filled with love for each other and for our Kamber.
Thanks to all for the thoughtful gifts, cards, and phone calls on this special day. We have many angels here on the earth that continue to lift us up during our trials. Thank you for remembering our Kamber. I think remembering a loved one is the one thing a mom and dad feel is the most important. We hope everyone will continue to remember Kamber and the sweet spirit she is for years to come.
Coming Soon!
Many more pictures, funny and heart felt stories to come of our Lake Powell Trip.
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