Well I hope I don't jinx myself but this morning I didn't wake up feeling the sick in the pit of my stomach. It was not a fun night though, maybe it just moved to bothering me in my sleep instead of the first thing in the morning. Regardless I made it through another night and it was nice not to wake up so sad. So, there is a little blessing in that I don't have to start off my day in a sober mood, I can have a little joy that I hope can build into lots more joy today as I spend time with my family. Life does go on after losing a child, but actually ever getting over it, well that will take this whole earth life. It won't matter anymore once I am with Kamber.
I thought of some things that one can do to help someone who is dealing with a loss of a loved one, especially a child:
_give them hugs, you don't even need to say anything at that point, actions speak louder than words.
_Pray for the ones suffering the loss. I can not express enough how much prayers really work, we definitely felt the power of prayer in a way we have never felt it before. PRAYERS REALLY DO HELP.
-At the beginning meals do help, though they might not get eaten right away, it is nice to have something to pull out at a later time.
-Be willing to ask how they are doing because saying nothing actually hurts more.
-Be willing to listen if the one suffering with the loss just need to talk about the loved one. Here again don't feel like you have to say something wonderful, just listen.
-Be patient. When dealing with a loss it is so easy to be air headed. I know this has got even worse for me. Man you'll never know how air headed I am and if you do have to encounter it then let me apologize in advance.
-Please understand if we cry on a whim and maybe just walk away or have to leave, it will mean the world if you just understand.
-Let us do service, in a funny way it can be healing. Babysitting someones kids is not the right type of service for someone who has lost a child, but bringing dinners or helping in other ways can help. Again try to understand if they just feel they can't do it, in time that will change.
-Please do not compare one loss to another's, it makes you feel that how you are feeling is not okay because in someone else eyes things could be worse. You need to morn regardless of how you lost your loved one.
-Know that saying "they are in a better place" doesn't always bring comfort. Yes it does at times, but other times that doesn't really matter because the loss hurts so bad. Saying "we are grateful for the gospel" is a lot easier to take.
- Be willing to share all memories you have of the loved one regardless if you think it isn't anything big, It just feels good to talk about the happy times of the loved one!
I'm sure I can think of other ways to help someone you love who is suffering a loss. These questions have been asked as I have been informed of others recently suffering loss. I hope these ideas help and hope those going through this difficult time feel the prayers of those praying for them. Love to All!
5 comments:
That is great advice Jen. Thank you for sharing your feelings. It helps us better understand the other side of things. It's good to hear your day is a little brighter today. Your family is in our prayers.
I have to say ditto to everything you said! Thank you for writing it so eloquently. Your family is in my prayers too. Evan's mom from Angels among us (Evan drowned on August 10, 2008)if you ever like to chat,
haddockmommy@gmail.com
thanks jen, ihave been dealing with a friend who lost her father about a month ago, and its been really hard for her. its nice to have advice from someone who can relate so that you dont make a mistake you wished you hadnt!
steph J.
Hey Jen! I just started the whole blog thing and found your sweet little kampers blog from crystals. I have not stopped thinking about you and your family since I heard about your tragic loss. I am soooo sorry that you have to endure this horrible trial. I haven't quite known what to do and know their isn't much I can do other than let you know that I am praying for you and your family to have comfort and strength. You won't always have strength and that's ok. You need to take the time to feel sad and mourn kambers loss. I can't say that I understand what your going through because I haven't lost a child and there is nothing like it, but I have lost my dad(as have you)and what helped me the most was talking to and being with people who had also lost a loved one. It helped me to realize that the feelings I had of anger, sadness and frustration were normal and that it does get better. However, I really got tired of people telling me it was going to be ok and that he was in a better place. I wanted to say NO it's not ok, I want him here with me. Just know that I am praying daily for you and your family to have comfort and peace and that you feel Kambers and Heavenly Fathers arms around you seeing you through this. Like I said, I know there is not much I can do but please let me know if you would like a listening ear. Jen, I would like to treat you to the spa that I work at to get a facial or massage, if and whenever you feel up to it. Please let me know through a comment on my blog ryanandjenyceharris.blogspot or call me 480-797-1101 or just make an appt. at White Lotus 480-247-6879. Either way, no pressure, but I would love to treat you and give you a big hug! Thanks for all your comments and feelings. You are amazing. Your family is so lucky to have you. It was good to read your blog and catch up, I'm glad I found it. Sorry this was such a long comment. Love ya and hang in there!
Love Jenyce
Hey Jen! Thanks for the advice. I always feel so afraid to say or do the wrong thing, that a lot of times I don't say anything when I want to try to offer my love and comfort to those who are grieving. I love this blog, and I know it is making a huge difference in a lot of people's lives. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
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