I have spent more time at home the past couple of days and the house is so quiet. It is actually to quiet, especially when Brookie goes down for a nap. I use to look forward to quiet time when Kamber was still around, but now I almost dread that time. I continue to try and find things to keep me busy, but there is only so much cleaning you can handle in one day, so there are times I just sit and think. I try not to let my thoughts get to deep because that is when the flash backs and if only's start to creep back into my mind and they do nothing but upset me. I find I try to focus on the positive and the great times I had with Kamber. One of my favorite times was rocking Kamber to sleep for her nap time during the day. Dora was always on at 12:30, so I would put it on the t.v. in the family room and hold her with her inky and watch Dora till she would fall asleep. It wouldn't take long before she was out no matter how hard she would fight not falling asleep. I would just hold her a while longer and run my fingers threw her blond hair and kiss her soft cheeks. I loved the smell of her skin and to touch her sweet little toes, thinking how perfect she was and what a fun sweet little girls she is. I miss those times just getting to enjoy her in my arms because when she was awake I spent my time chasing after her and cleaning up messes.
So at times I am thankful for my quiet house and the thoughts and memories that I have of Kamber!
7 comments:
I remember when you went to the doctors with brookie or maybe kylie and I was watchin your kids. Kamber was so tired, you had told me that she may fall asleep if i rocked her. So i remember rocking her with her blanket.It was so sweet to hold her, and yes i did run my hands thru her hair.I did that one last time at the hosptial, as i sat there with ethan and rich..I am so glad that ethan let me come in to the room at the hosptial to hold her one last time. I feel so sad right now as i think of the memory when I read your blog. But I know that you will see her again and hold her tight. I love you guys..
I would like a sign, purple is my favorite color too
It is hard not to let the memory wander when there is nothing but quiet all around. That's the time that I feel the spirit the most. Sometimes I just get too busy and I have to make myself stop and listen. My memory would do the same thing and ask the what if's. I'm so sorry Jen that you have to endure this. I will say an extra prayer for you today.
Does it sound silly to tell you that I would love a sign?
People always tell me that my kids don't sleep well because they don't fall asleep on their own. I rock them, so they need me to rock them in order to fall asleep. Why do I do that and deal with kids awake in the night?? Because I love to rock them!!
Like you said, that is the only time I can snuggle with them and enjoy them without having to chase and discipline them. It is also the only time my twins will let me hold them together without pushing or kicking their brother. Tonight when I rock my babies I will think of Kamber and you.
I was going to plant flowers next week. I'm glad I hadn't done that yet because now they will all be purple. I'd love to have a sign!!
Jen, I just love being able to read this amazing blog! Amazing because its raw! I love that you are real. I love that you can just be you because I love who you are and what you stand for. I'm so glad to call you friend.
P.S. Valerie e-mailed me that you might want to make pumpkins. They are SO easy and so stinking cute! E-mail me and I'll send you an invite to my blog! I'll be making more this weekend!
kelli.hatch@gmail.com
I would love a sign. I know that I am far away but I don't care. I will plant purple flowers for Kamber and add a sign in her memory. I will e-mail you a picture when I am all done. E-mail me and let me know what your e-mail address is. jenilynlinn@gmail.com
I would love to have a sign Jen. Count me in!
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