Exhausted

The past week has been exhausting! Today I feel like I can hardly function nor do I really want to. Emotions can totally whipe you out and I am feeling it. One of my girls named Emily that I taught valiant 10 & 11 yr.olds in my old ward came over yesterday. She found 3 videos on her phone that she had taken of Kamber and my girls one of the nights she babysat. The video was only a few weeks before Kamber died. We got to look at the video and it was sooo good to see Kamber but sooo hard at the same time. It was wonderful to see her move, her facial expressions, and hear her sweet voice. BUT, it is another reminder of what is gone, what we can not see and have to wait a life time to hold. So in other words it is absolutely gut wrenching. It brings so much happiness and pain at the same time. We are so thankful for Emily letting us borrow her phone to try and get the videos off so we can also have them. These are one of the few videos we have of Kamber. We have never been great at remembering to use the camcorder, therefore there are not many videos, which is hard to deal with on its own. Pictures are great, but videos do wonders. So today I am struggling to find happiness, actually part of me is mad again, sad, and frusterated. I'm not sure there is much to make me feel better about our situation, but it is all part of the roller coaster and I know I just have to ride it out. It just stinks that there is nothing that I can do about it, nothing at all.