This morning my mind was turning round and round. A million thoughts were running through my head. I was ready to vent, I was ready to let all my raw emotions out and really let everyone see the deep darkness that I endure. My life has extremely changed and a lot of the time it is very hard to take. I have found myself soooo tired, tired of being strong, tired of having to endure everyday. I feel as though I want to give up I don't want to carry this trial any more, I don't want to be sad, I just want it all to go away.Sometimes you just feel like your heart is so heavy your going to fall over. I found myself there this morning, done, done with everything. (Please don't read into this more than what I am saying, I'm just talking about emotions.)
I got on my blog this morning ready to let it all hang out and ready to go private and just keep all my feelings to myself. Till this morning when I found 1 comment on yesterdays post. I wondered what that comment might be so I clicked. Oh, it was my good friend Shasta and she regularly leaves comments, which I always love hearing from her. I think she is one of the most kind, loving, and absolutely adorable people I know. She has not treated me any different since Kamber has died and I am so grateful for that. I read her comment this morning and she referred me to a song on her blog so immediately went to listen. She was inspired, the song brought tears and wonderful thoughts of Kamber. Once again I was reminded of her mission and mine. Kamber is gone and I am left here to help others. We don't often see how we help or who we are helping but that doesn't matter as long as we are trying everyday to be an example and striving to do what is right and endure to the end. My feelings of frustration and anger passed and a calm came over me. I felt the love of Kamber and my thoughts at that moment were made sure. There was no confusion over my feelings, they were nothing but peace and comfort that I can endure. After I listened to the song I prayed to my Heavenly Father and thanked him for Shasta and her sweet spirit and following her feelings of sharing that song with me. I don't know if she thinks she was inspired but I know she was. Heavenly Father knew my thoughts and feelings, he has known how tired I am, therefore he knew what I needed.
Sometimes we are touched by Angels on Earth.
Thank you Shasta!
The song is Someday by Celtic Women and I have also put it on my playlist.
3 comments:
I know that I was touched by an angel.. her name is Kamber I am so glad that I was a part of your families life to meet Kamber!! Thanks for you thoughts you are a truly one of the strongest person that i know.
Hi you have no idea who I am, but I came across your blog through and friend of a friend. I just wanted to let you know that you and your family have been on my mind the past few weeks and you truly inspire me! You are an amazing family and I believe the Lord gives the strongest families the hardest trials. In May of 2007 my 19 month old son was diagnosed with kidney cancer. We went through 8 months of chemotherapy and radiation (and morning sickness, I found out I was pregnant w/ my 6th boy the same day we found out Carson had cancer). At the time I never imagined or thought I could make it through this time of my life. It was hard and very emotional, but it made my testimony stronger than I ever thought. I broke down many times and still do. I think it is okay to break down because many will never walk in your shoes. You are human and real. You are an amazing women to many and the strongest women to many! So wear your emotions on your shoulders, people won’t think any different of you. We still have 5 years of quarterly scans for our son before he is considered cancer free. And what I have to remember is that if Heavenly Father calls him home, it is because he is perfect, just like your little Kamber. Heavenly Father trusted you and Ethan with a perfect child; He doesn’t give perfect children to many. Sorry I have rambled, but you are stronger than you know. And know that people who don’t even know your family are thinking and praying for your family.
I agree with momof6boys--people who don't even know your family are thinking of you. I have your link on my blog and visit here often. I appreciate what you add to my life--something that would never have happened without you sharing yourself and Kamber with all of us. I'm sorry you're tired, but I'm glad you have a sweet friend who is so in touch with your needs!
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