On Tuesday we got the call that Kamber's headstone had been set on Tuesday afternoon. Ethan and I couldn't wait to see how it turned out. We had know what we wanted and hoped it was as wonderful as we hoped it would be. So many emotions were running through my head. The day that we were told that the headstone was done I just broke down. It had been a while since I had cried that hard. I felt as if my body was going into convulsions. It made it all to real, to final. Why, Why, Why? I don't want this trial! Nobody should have to bury their child and try to pick out the perfect headstone because nothing will be ever good enough. Nothing will ever truly show how beautiful and wonderful she is and that the world was truly better with her in it! Oh, how hard this life can be.So needless to say I was scared, scared of my emotions, scared of what I would see. Would I be okay with it or would it send me into a downward spiral that I try so hard not to get in to. I went and picked out some flowers. Daisies, that is what I wanted and they were perfect. White on the outside to represent how pure Kamber is and yellow on the inside and reflect how vibrant and full of life she is. And the daisy as a whole is beautiful to look at just like Kamber. As I approached the headstone with my family all gathered around and watching me as I walked up my heart was pumping. I walked up and laid flowers down and started at the beautiful headstone that represented my daughter that body lays there. It was beautiful, just how Ethan and I wanted it to look. Yes, it makes it real and seem so final but it is nice to have something for her. I am sad because that is the last thing that I can do for my little girl. I feel as though there is nothing else I can give her or do for her. My duty as her mom seems so empty and I long to do things for her. I love and miss her just as her daddy and sisters.
Our family around Kambers Headstone.
Ethan and I.
16 comments:
It is absolutely beautiful! Wow, I had no idea a headstone could be so vibrant! (If you don't mind, please let me know what company you went through..as we are still trying to find the "right" one for Evan. My email is haddockmommy@gmail.com)
Thinking of you!
Angela
Evan from Heaven's mom
wow jen, i am in tears and speechless. it is si beautiful, it gives me the chills. i love the brightness of it and rich colors, just like kamber. she is absolutely adorable!
It is absolutely beautiful.
Oh my gosh Jen, you guys did an amazing job. It is absolutley beautiful, it honors Kamber perfectly. I can't wait to go down and see it in person. I've been excited to see how it turned out, but when I saw the title of your post I realized I was holing my breath. I was like no no no it can't be done already! I'm so sorry you had to to get your sweet little girls headstone. But now she can continue to touch people's lives, everyone that sees it will know how beautiful and amazing she is. Love you guys.
That's a beautiful Headstone Jen. I can relate to the feeling of it being so real once that Headstone is there. It is bitter - sweet, or at least it was for me anyway. I was happy her Headstone was in because then it was final and everything was done. But it is sad because it means she is really there.
Jen that is so beautiful! I have never seen anything like that before. You guys did an amazing job. It is so perfect for Kamber. It's good to see a picture of your girls. They are getting so grown up and beautiful. Love you guys.
I've never seen a headstone like that--it is beautiful and fits with everything you've said about Kamber on your blog. I'm really sad you've had to go through this.
The headstone is beautiful. Everyone that walks by that will be touched by her darling smile.
Jen,
I didn't know they had such beautiful, colorful headstones. I have heard it feels very final with putting it on, but you guys chose a good one. We will go and visit one day.
Hang in there!
Thanks for letting be a part of this special day. It is just perfect for her, I love it. I love the colors the pictures... I felt happy but sad that day. I felt happy that there was finally something to mark her spot so everybody can know that her body lays there. Sad cuz it reminds me she is gone.. I love you..
I think of you guys often. Although I didn’t know Kamber she holds a special place in my heart. My thoughts are always with your entire family. Peace and love, Kamber Evans Stoltz
ya. sometimes it just isn't fair. the headstone (i hate that word by the way) is gorgeous. our little angels in heaven. i so wish i could take away your pain and just add it to mine.
Jen, it's beautiful, thank you for sharing the moment with us.
There's a website devoted to children who've passed away. Anybody can request their name be written the only stipulation being they're angels and every request is granted. To make a request or to simply view the sight go to: www.namesinthesand.net
Jen:
It turned out so beautiful. I know what you mean by being so final...I think that is why we haven't even done it yet for Wyatt and yes it's been a year. That is the next moutain we are going to climb. I've never seen one like this before...I love it. Could you let me know what company you used. Oh, I'm not sure I'm ready for this but I know I've got to do it. I hate that I have spent a lot of time in cemeteries getting ideas for my babies headstone...just not right! Thanks for the sweet comments you leave on the blog. I think of your Kamber all the time. My parents planeted some flowers in our flower pots for Wyatt's angel day. Each time I look at it I think of your Kamber since there is a lot of purple in them. Oh, my heart aches that we have to go through this.
Love,
Andrea
Wyatt's mommy
andrealarsen2002@yahoo.com
Jen, that is absolutely breath taking. I have never seen one like that! It captures the warmth, love and pizazz that she had for life! I love the colors! Just beautiful!
I cannot wait to go and see it with my own eyes. It is so beautiful!! Just like Kamber! I know it is hard and really finalizes all your pain, but just think of it as one more hurdle you have jumped on this journey.
You have amazing strength and are officially one day closer to seeing Kamber again! Remember that and hold on to that promise that your family will really be forever!
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