Thankful

Hi everyone! Here I sit early Thanksgiving morning at my computer. I am up before I wanted to be up for the Turkey Trot run this morning. I haven't wanted to do another post till at least I got Halloween up, but something scary in my dream woke me and as I lay there in bed I had a feeling to come in and do this. I don't really know why, but here I am following this strong feeling. Maybe this is for someone else or maybe just what I need for me. I haven't figured that out yet.

My hands are shaking as I type and tears are so close to the surface. Okay so they are breaking through now. I haven't been this emotional in a long while. I'm going to tell you about this dream or experience early this morning and it does have something to do with Kamber. I hesitate to write because I feel like I have said it all and know it can get replayed like a tried record, but this morning it feels different and feel it is what I am to do.

The Dream: I of course was at a pool with my family and others. It was actually a friends pool and not naming any names. There was an accident with another lifeless child of mine before me. I worked on the child and I was able to get a little response from them that gave me hope.

I suddenly woke, in a panic and a sickness in my stomach. I have felt this feeling before. I just started asking Heavenly Father Why? Why do I have to go through this and on top of it why do these dreams have to reoccu?. That's when I felt I needed to write. Still 2 years and a couple months later I haven't figured out the Why? My heart still breaks in half and I still worry about my other kids being taken from me. I remember with Kamber knowing from the beginning that she wasn't coming back to me. I wasn't going to the hospital to watch them save her, but at the same time I had strong faith that she was and could be saved despite the true knowing inside. I even said that I couldn't live without her and here I sit still breathing and living. Sometimes our prayers are not answered the way we want. Somehow we push through it. So maybe this dream is to remind me what I am thankful for. My family and that Heavenly Father has been there to help me endure through my trials even when I truly thought he had abandoned me and didn't care for me at all. I'm thankful for my faith even though it didn't raise Kamber from the dead, but it is what keeps me living for the future. I am grateful for Eternal Life and to know that I will get to be with my family again. I know that I will hold Kamber in my arms again, my little girl. :) FAMILY is the BEST thing about LIFE!