Thursday, September 25, 2008
2 Months
Today marks 2 months since Kamber passed away. I some ways it feels like it has flown by and in others it feels like it has gone by so slow. My emotions are still all over the place. I never know how my day is going to go. I do feel that now I can deal with the feelings a little better. In some ways I feel that I'm in denial of it all. Many times I think, did this really happen? It seems as if she is just on a short vacation or just sleeping over at someones house and she'll be back. In some sense that feeling can be true because she is gone for just a short time in the eternal realm of things. She is on a wonderful vacation with the best company ever! I just wish the short while that Kamber is gone from us didn't feel like an eternity to me. This feels like it is something that I can't endure, a test that I'm going to fail miserably at. My sister in law Candi told me something great "Heavenly Father is not waiting in Heaven to hit you over the head when you come." That statement can be take in so many ways. Today I take it as: He is not going to be there to tell me "You cried to much, you should have reached out more, there were times you gave up, why didn't you do better?" Heavenly Father only expects us to do our best. We know when we are giving are all and he will pick up the rest. So today I'm thankful for Kamber and the lessons she has taught me and I will do my best not only for myself but for my family.
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3 comments:
You're so right, Jen! Your Heavenly Father knows you and loves you. He knows your heart aches and that you are doing all you can for your family. He will pick up the pieces that you drop along the way! He will be by your side on the days you struggle to endure. Two months, and you've made it somehow. You are amazing!! Just think of it as two months closer to the day you will be with your precious angel again. Hang in there! We love you!
Ethan, Jen and Family,
As a mother myself I can not think of a greater fear then to lose a child. I don't think that anyone can even come close to feeling your pain and loss unless they have been there themselves. From reading the blog, I am amazed by the strenghth that you have Jen and your family is very lucky that they have you and that you all have eachother. I loved looking at the pictures and seeing your beautiful family and beautiful Kamber. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
As I have read some of the comments on several of your blog entries, I notice that people comment on your strength. I bet you don't think you have strength, do you? I have never lost a child, just had a few miscarriages, but I have never been as strong in faith as you have appeared in your writings. I whimped out during some rough times (trust me I did.) I know you have bad days and there isn't anyone who would dare fault you for that. You have turned to God and relied on your faith--such wisdom! Kamber was lucky to have you for a mom and we are all lucky you share your faith with us. Thank you!
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