Well today was turning out to be One of Those Days of sadness. I have been moping a little.
I could feel myself wanting to avoid thoughts and pictures of Kamber. I have pictures of her up in my house and I would try so hard not to look up at them knowing the feelings they would bring. I'm tired of feeling the loss of her. It's wearing me down, at times my whole body feels so heavy like lead. I have to drag myself through each part of the day. But now there is a little ray of sunshine shinning through. I got on Kambers blog to do my post and read any comments from yesterday. The words of encouragement were very uplifting. The post that stuck out to me the most is from a girl that I don't know. I felt good to know that I help those that read this blog everyday. That I can give some encouragement to others and send a little ray of sunlight. Today this was done for me. The encouragement came from you, the readers. I feel that it is Kamber that helps me to know what to write each day, she is also my ray of sunlight. I couldn't make it without her.
Thanks to all those who are willing to post not knowing if your words will help. Alot of times it hurts more to say nothing than to say something maybe on a day that times are tough. You never know if it is your words that a person needs to hear.
9 comments:
Jen,
I am so sorry that today is one of those tough days. I struggle to know what to say to you because I always feel that you are helping me to feel better. I am uplifted when I read about your feelings about missing Kamber and the struggles you go through and how you overcome your pain. So many times I have wanted to leave a comment yet I am afraid that nothing I say could help. I want you to know that we love you and your sweet family. You are a great mother and the best thing that could have happened to Ethan. You are perfect for him. I think about you guys all of the time, hoping that you are okay but knowing that everyday there is going to be sadness. Know that we are always here for you. We continue to pray for your strength and comfort. We love you guys. Mindi
Blogs are wonderful things!!
All I have to say is Ditto to what Mindi said. Thank you for being so strong for others when you really don't want to be. Your family is so lucky to have you as their mom and wife, and I am sure that they know that!
Hi Jen,
I'm new to blogging and happened upon this page, after happening upon Katherine Cooks blog, while reading Jolynn McConaghie's blog. :) So now insead of going to Costco, the feed store, the post office and ordering chicken's online, I've spent the whole morning reading all of your posts and the comments they recieved. I started with one Kleenex, grabbed a few more and finally grabbed the new box I put in the kitchen the other day. :)
Oh Jen, you are so sweet and I'm sorry you're having a bad day. I lost my dad very suddenly last year and I went through so much physical sorrow sometimes I felt like I couldn't move. He was not a part of every minute of my day like Kamber was for you, so I can imagine your pain is much more. But I can relate to your deep sense of loss and would like to share some toughts with you that have brought comfort to me.
One of my close friends had lost a sister and I was talking to her on a difficult day. She said, "I know. He's the first thing you think of in the morning, all you think about all day and the last thoughts in your mind as you go to sleep. But after a while he'll be the second thing you think about, and then later the third. And then you'll be brushing your teeth and suddenly you realize you've been up for like 15 minutes and hadn't felt sad yet." She said, "It's not because you miss him less or that you're forgetting him, the pain just becomes easier to bear and your heart isn't quite so heavy." It's now been a year and 3 months and she was right. I still miss him terribly but the pain is much easier to bear.
I hope that soon your bad days will become fewer and farther between. I knew exactly what you meant when you said that you wanted time to move faster but were afraid of it's passing because you were afraid of what you'd forget. My worst fears when my dad died were that I'd forget the sound of his laugh or his funny faces, the sound of his voice saying regular everyday things. One day I was remembering how he hummed in a loud deep voice in the bathroom when he got out of the shower and was worried I would forget the sound. I then realized that I'd been married for 14 years and hadn't heard that humming since before I got married. I closed my eyes and could hear his deep hum turn to singing, like it often did, and I was SO grateful to learn there were some things I could never forget.
I know that you lost your dad too. One day I imagined him letting Kamber go with a tight hug, to be born on this earth saying, "I'll see you in just a little bit!" I'm sure these thoghts have crossed your mind also. How lucky she is to have had him with her until she came here, and to have his open arms waiting for her when she got back.
I just love your girls Jen. Tayler and Kaylie are such a joy to have in Primary. They are both so sweet and have the most beautiful smiles and sweet sparkle in thier eyes. I'm thankful to have known Kamber's smile too, and glad you guys were always late to church like us so we could sit behind her and smile at her so often. :)
Your family is often in my thoughts and always in my prayers.
Jenny
Jen,
I try and check your blog each day and read the wonderful posts about your family and your memories of Kamber. You are a great inspiration to me. You are so strong and amazing. I admire you so much. Just know that we love you guys and think about you often.
Love, Patrick and Tennille
Hi:) You don't know me but I stumbled accross your blog from a friend of mine.I am so sorry for the loss of your little girl.I was so incredibly flooded with emotion for you guys that I can hardly see right now.I hate that these things happen but I know that Heavenly Father had a plan for everyone.I will never understand your loss but have had my own trials too so I understand pain.The gospel gets us through the difficult days.I want you to know that even though I don't know you I care...Shelley
Jen, I've never posted a comment before, but I want you to know that I read Kamber's blog every night before I go to bed. I look forward to reading your posts because they give me strength and upliftment. I like to hear about your good days, and I like to hear about your bad days and how you are learning to deal with them. I cry for you all the time. Although it is unfair that Kamber had to be taken from you, what a blessing it is that so much good is coming from something so tragic. What a blessing it is that you and Kamber together,are having this wonderful opportunity to bless and strengthen the lives of so many people. Probably more than you could even imagine. We continue to pray for you each day.
Crissie
Hey sweet girl. Thanks for your kind words. I'm so sorry today was a hard day. I read your blog every day.
You have so much strength Jen. It's so hard in the midst of your trial to understand and comprehend that the Lord will NOT give us a trial we are not able to endure. Why were you chosen to endure the #1 trial that no other mother or father would want in their lifetime? Because you are amazing. And you are a choice soul. I feel priviledged to be a small part of your life and be able to peak in on you. Love you tons and keep pressing forward. I hope tomorrow is a better day. Loves and loves.
Your Blog also uplifts my Family as well. We recently found out that my Dad has Terminal Cancer and only has a few short months to live. It is killing me and I don't know how to handle it. I didn't think it would be this hard, but I feel like I cry everyday. Reading your Blog helps me see that there is life after these hardships. I know there will be hard days, but then there will be those days when you feel lifted and thankful.
Please keep posting, I am going to need to hear words of strength during this difficult time with my Dad.
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