It seems this week I am having a harder time dealing with the loss of Kamber. I guess I just have to except it and try to move forward. I think it has been at least two weeks since I was struggling so bad, so I am making some progress. Ethan and I had a great time going to dinner last night and we had some good conversations. Of course we spoke about Kamber, there were
a lot of happy memories that made us laugh and smile. Some in depth questions came up about what is going on since her death. We talked about who will be there waiting for us when we die, if it were to be tomorrow? Well we know for sure KAMBER would be right there waiting, and family members that have died before. Then Ethan asked "Do you think your dad would be there even though he never met me?"
I said "Of course he would, he knows you are my husband and I'm sure he would want to be there." I'm sure he would hug Ethan and introduce himself and be so happy to finally get to spend time with him. Another question is "Do you think Kamber is in the spirit world or with Heavenly Father?" Well in the scriptures it says" Little children that die before the age of accountability go straight to their Heavenly Fathers presence and that is where they reside." What a comfort that is, she is already promised all the blessings of our Heavenly Father , she knows the beginning from the end, she gets the whole picture. We also talked about did we truly understand the sorrow, anguish, and tears that would occur when we said I will go down and take on this life even though these trials are so hard. Did I truly understand or was I so excited just to get a body so I could return to my Heavenly Father that I didn't care because at that time I understood eternity and that the earth life was not eternity. I wonder if I would do it all again if I could see the whole spectrum of things now. I would have to say yes, other wise I wouldn't be going through this now. Many times I wounder why won't Heavenly Father let us see her every once in a while when ever I want, just to hear how things are going. If he would allow that then maybe it wouldn't be so hard to have her gone, or would it? I have seen her and so has Ethan so I know Heavenly Father lets it happen, but times I wish it could be on my terms. I wish I could know what she is doing, does she miss us like we miss her?Oh I hope not I want her to be happy. These are all questions I will have to wait to get the answers on. Patience, Patience, Patience, some thing I am having to work on. Faith in every footstep is what helps us endure!
5 comments:
what a great night to be able to sit and talk one on one with your husband and what a great thing to have such a great guy. it sounds like you guys could have used some quiet time with one another. those are all good questions and i dont think i know one answer except for knowing that Heavenly Father is with Kamber and Kamber is surely in his presence and that is very comforting to know that.
it was so nice to meet you! your family is beautiful and your posts about Kamber are very touching. Your strength is amazing.
“I am positive in my mind that the Lord has planned our destiny. We can shorten our lives, but I think we cannot lengthen them very much. Sometime we’ll understand fully, and when we see back from the vantage point of the future, we shall be satisfied with many of the happenings of this life which seemed so difficult for us to comprehend. We knew before we were born that we were coming to earth for bodies and experience and that we would have joys and sorrows, pain and comforts, ease and hardships, health and sickness, successes and disappointments; and we knew also that we would die. We accepted all these eventualities with a glad heart eager to accept both the favorable and unfavorable. We were undoubtedly willing to have a mortal body even if it were deformed. We eagerly accepted the chance to come earthward even though it might be for a day, a year, or a century. Perhaps we were not so much concerned whether we should die of disease, of accident, or of senility. We were willing to come and take life as it came and as we might organize and control it, and this without murmur, complaint, or unreasonable demands. We sometimes think we would like to know what is ahead, but sober thought brings us back to accepting life a day at a time, and magnifying and glorifying that day.”
-Spencer W. Kimball
Jen,
I think it was Joseph F Smith who said that if we were to see the whole picture of this life, other than our stupid sins, we wouldn't change anything. I hope some day I do think that. We probably did agree to bring their little bodies into this world and knew that it would be for just a short while. I'm not sure what I was thinking then, but I have to believe there is a big plan and all this was in it. I think all our children are up there so happy, looking down on us, wanting us to be happy. I feel Holly telling me to be happy it won't be long then we'll be together forever.Of course she is probably seeing in Gods time which is so diffrent than ours. Our angel children are so much smarter than we are. They see the whole picture. Kamber and Holly are probably up there being missionary companions teaching others, or maybe they are playing together at Heavenly Fathers feet. What ever it is they were so valliant in the war in Heaven, they didn't need to go through all the testing here. Much love to you. Holly passed away on June 22, 2008 after bing hit by a car in front of our home.She was gone right away, she never moved or opened her eyes. They kept her breathing and her heart beating for another 12 hours or so to enable us to donate her organs. We wanted some of her to live on. Only her kidneys were used. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I don't have a blog yet, but I am on the Angel blog. Lots of love and prayers, Jeanenne
Your post always amaze me the strength and faith you have is remarkable. I hope you will see her often in your dreams. You are an amazing example to all of us.
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