kamber: Did It Really Happen?

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Did It Really Happen?

I found myself yesterday night looking around my house at the pictures of Kamber on my walls and wondering did she really die? Last night was our ward Christmas Party and I have to say that it was a hit! I really enjoyed being busy and watching everyone enjoy the party. While I was there I thought of how fun it would have been for Kamber to have been there. Would she have been afraid of Santa and realized that it was daddy in the suit or would she have just loved every minute of it? Would it have been extra hard to have her there because she would have wanted to run around the whole church or would she have been happy to sit with me. Oh how I would have loved to have her on my hip to carry around and show off to the ward, a ward that didn't get to know her all that well. I could just envision in my mind her smile and jumping around when Santa came walking through the door to give out candy canes. It would have been so fun! So as the night came to a close we were busy getting things cleaned up, with a lot of help I might add, so that we could get home as soon as possible. I came home to my house with grandma and three of my girls. I am grateful to my mom for helping with my kids. Brookie was in bed and my others were giving grandma a hard time about going to sleep. Soon we got everyone to bed and that is when it hit me. I can't believe this is really my life. Did this really happen to my family? Did Kamber really die? I have her pictures but she really isn't here, there are times my mind just can't really grasp it. I said my prayers and thanked my Heavenly Father for Kamber and that she is a part of our family. I am thankful for the time I did have her and I would do it all again just to hold her, love her, and enjoy her sweet spirit and to have her a part of our family for eternity.

7 comments:

Brooke and Brett Martin said...: Sweet Jen...what a hard time. As you once told me this comes and goes. I feel the same way right now. I'm so sorry Kamber is being missed so badly right now. This life is so short. You are a rock...keep moving forward. I'm so sorry right now is tough. I'm thinking of you. Last week I pulled up to my parents house and in all of their front flower beds, they had planted ALL purple flowers. I just started sobbing thinking of what you are doing in remembrance right now. Since then, every time I pull into their drive way- I think of that sweet face of hers. Love you Jen. Hang in there.; December 7, 2008 at 10:57 AM
Larsens said...: will santa make a trip to see our kids this christmas!!! he and his family can stay with us!!

you said it jen... i too would to it all over again. i miss her, i cant grasp the reality of it and that includes where she is right now as well. its all too much. but day by day right?? keep posting... it really does wonders for me.

i was at this darling christmas store looking for the best ornament for kamber and it was so hard. i felt like nothing was beautiful enough, angelic enough, and spunky enough. i wanted something so perfect. i was having a really hard time looking too because my eyes kept filling up with tears. i had a sweet old lady ask me if i was ok!! but i think i found one that might do Kamber a little bit of justice... i hope you like it. we will mail it out this week!

miss and love you guys so much!; December 7, 2008 at 2:45 PM
Andrea said...: I also wonder all the time did it really happen? Did my baby die? It's such a hard reality for our brains to grasp I think. Know that you are not alone in this. I wonder all the time what Wyatt would be doing now and what he would be enjoying. I guess we have to wait don't we. It almost seems to long to handle but we don't have much choice. I'm glad you survived doing your ward party. I really don't know how you did that while trying to deal with grief. You are amazing!
Love,
Andrea
Wyatt's mommy; December 7, 2008 at 4:54 PM
The McNeil Family said...: I know I think the same thing at times.. Is she really gone. I too wish I could hold her and play with her one last time. You are a wonderful mom to your girls, i know that you miss her but you will get to see her again that is the neat thing about the gospel. Sorry i couldn't be there last night but it sounds like you u did an awesome job!!; December 7, 2008 at 7:28 PM
Barrett, Melinda, Angel Trinity, and Baby Zander said...: Hey Sweetie...I got your message on the angel blog from the poem I posted. I wanted to tell you something, questioning your "new life" right now is totally normal. Last year at this time, I kept doing the same thing with Trinity's death "Is she really gone?" "Will I wake up from this horrible nightmare"...and yes she was gone. Yes, this was real. Your brain is coming out of the "Shock Phase" and slowly wrapping itself around your true reality. This is a pretty painful process (not that any process of grief ISN'T painful). But all the same, I just want you to know that what you're feeling is sooooo normal. You are me, 1 year ago. I am so very sorry! I wish so much that your life with Kamber didn't change so drastically. Just like I wish I could change things and have Trinity back too.

As far as being able to be "Open", I know what you mean. It wasn't until more recently that I have really truly been bluntly honest with where I'm at and how I'm feeling about things...which is why my personal blog is private. Only those that I trust with my deep and painful feelings are allowed to be apart of my blog. I have some very true blue friends and family members that just ride along side me and really are stepping up to the plate and supporting me the way I need them to support me. I'd love to invite you to my blog. What is your e-mail? Can you e-mail it to me? My e-mail is adamsfamily97@yahoo.com

Please e-mail me anytime you need someone to talk to. I'm always here for you! Sending big hugs over to you tonight sweetie!

Love always,
Melinda Adams
(Trinity's mommy); December 7, 2008 at 8:20 PM
Alishia said...: I'm sure the party was a hit, and I'm sure Kamber didn't miss a bit of it. That is so neat that she has been so close by you recently as you struggle through the holidays.

We think of your little angel everyday. As my boys get closer and closer to the age she was, there is more and more things that remind me of her. Yesterday, even Bryan mentioned that he is always reminded of Kamber.

My boys just learned how to say the word water. It sounds just the way you said it during the funeral, "Wa, wa!" I'll never forget your story of the overflowing bathtub and how excited she was as she said, "Look Mama, Wa, wa!"

There isn't a day that goes by that we don't think of you and pray for you. I hope you feel our prayers!! And can I just say that I love, love, love my Kamber garden!!; December 7, 2008 at 8:50 PM
The Hansen Family said...: Yes, the party was a hit! Thank you for asking us to be a part of the program.
I too was thinking about Kamber at the party. With all those kids running around I imagined her running right along with them. Sweet girl. As you said, we didn't have much time to get to know her, but I'm so thankful that we did just a little bit.

Well yay, the Activities Commitee party season is over! No more party stress for you and you can sit back, relax and enjoy your family. I'm sure the coming weeks will be difficult, but know that your family and friends are here to help wherever we can. *hugs*; December 8, 2008 at 1:32 AM

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It was July 25th 2008 and it was a great day. All the kids were getting along with eachother. Ethan and I were going on vacation with a few friends and we were to leave at 5:00p.m. that evening. At about 11:00 a.m. I started packing for the trip. I caught Kamber out back playing with the hose with her cousin a couple of times. The last time Ethan and I went out back to get after the girls for playing in the hose. Ethan sprayed the girls and we chased them all back inside. Ethan went into his office and I went back into our room to pack. It was a short time after this that Kamber some how made it into the pool area. We can't figure out how it happened, we have a gate around our pool shut and locked. Nobody had been in the pool area in days. We lost site of Kamber for a few minutes but this was enough time for her to fall in the spa part of our pool and drowned. I had gone into Ethans office and said something to him and turned around to find my niece crying. I knew. I ran straight to the pool and didn't see her and then caught a glimps of her leg in the spa. It took forever to get the pool fence open , but I ran as fast as I could and pulled her out. Ethan ran in and started CPR, I called 911. The Fire Depatment came fast. They worked on her and then headed to the hospital. We already knew she was gone. I could feel her comforting arms around me. We raced to the hospital where we watched them work on her for about 10 more minutes. She was gone. They let me hold her for about 2 hrs till the medical examiner came to get her. I felt a small amount of peace and I thank my Heavenly Father for that. It was her time to return home. We are grateful for the 2 1/2 years Heavenly Father let us enjoy the beautiful person she is. We will be with her again as a family and I can't wait to raise her again. Her sisters miss her dearly, but they know she not far away and she is safe. We love our valiant angel!