Last night I was having a hard time expressing how I felt to Ethan. I wasn't angry but I was upset. I missed Kamber so much. I was really sad but I guess was accepting the fact that she is gone. My heart just ached so I decided to write Kamber a letter to tell her how I felt.
Dear Kamber,
I miss you so much tonight. I have been fighting back the tears and somehow I just can't let them flow. I miss seeing you play with your sisters. Today Brookie is wearing one of your outfits that Tristyn gave you for Christmas when you were little. Brookie is getting so big and I know you would have so much fun playing with her. She squints her nose just like you use to. It is so fun to see part of you in her.
I was staring at one of your pictures tonight and I was thinking about how beautiful you are. Your eyebrows are perfectly shaped. You have beautiful big blue eyes that remind me of Grandpa Leonard. You have the cutest straight teeth with big luscious lips that when you smile it lights up your whole face. I love your blonde hair and I miss the smell and touch of it. I miss seeing your cute little legs sticking out of your shorts and especially when you would wear a night gown. But most of all I miss your hugs, kisses, and hearing you say "I Love You!" You were my world and you brought so much excitement and love to our family. It is almost like I can't believe you are really gone. I never thought this would be a part of my life. I never thought I would lose one of my beautiful daughters. I don't understand it. Really, Why did you have to go? I would have taught you well and you would have never lacked being loved. I would have done a good job taking care of you and trying my best to make you happy. I know you are in heaven and it is a special place but, I would have done my best to make here in our home special too.
I guess I am realizing that we have no say when we return to our Heavenly home. For some reason you were to return leaving us after only 2 1/2 years. What I can gather is that you are to special and pure for this wicked world. We knew before you were born that you were special, you have a light about you that was captivating. I feel lucky to have been chosen to be your mom. I have so much still to learn and I will do my best to learn well so I can have a chance to raise you again some day.
I just want you to know how much I love and miss you. Your daddy and sisters love and miss you so much. You are always in our prayers and we hope that you are having a wonderful time surrounded by people that love you. I will love you always my sweet Kamber.
Love your Mommy!
8 comments:
What a precious, sweet and tender letter from a Mother to her Daughter. I know we rejoiced in the preexistence when we chose our beautiful little angels that weren't going to last very long on this earth. But it is SO hard now. I hope that someday I can feel the peace I did when Elizabeth and I chose each other.
Thanks for sharing that with us Jen. It made me cry but I'm glad I read it, I loved it.
So I think you should do the book, it would probably be good for you, therapeudic maybe. And it could help someone else that has to suffer the loss of a child. And really even if it only helped that one person it would be worth it.
Hope to see you guys soon. Hugs the girls for me!
what a great idea, to write her a letter. That was so sweet:)I hope it helped you feel a bit of comfert today.
so yeah you made me cry... oh how great it is for her to have a wonderful mom like you... She was sent to you for this very reason!I know it is hard to think that we chose this plan, especially when you have to deal with the pain of Kamber leaving you after just a short time.
Kamber moment.. I remember when you would rock Kamber to sleep,before you placed her in bed..you always gave your time to her to make sure she was ok. I enjoyed your letter thanks for sharing it with me. I think writing a letter is sometimes so much easier then talking to someone when you have so much on your mind. I love ya Jen!
What a beautiful letter Jen. I'm sure that Kamber knows and feels the deep love you have for her. Thanks so much for sharing this letter with us. You continue to be in our prayers always.
Crissie
**hugs**
What a sweet letter!! That is a great way to let your feelings out. Thanks for sharing!
Last night, after a pretty crazy week, I took my twins to McDonalds to escape reality. We had had dinner and bath already and just ordered ice cream. There was nobody in the play area and as I sat down with my boys, I got teary eyed as I started to feel sorry for myself.
Within seconds, the song "In My Arms" came on from Kamber's video. I have never heard that song outside of your blog and it was like it was sent for me. My problems didn't seem so big and I was reminded of the true meaning of life and where we are heading. Your little angel touches my heart everyday. I love her and miss her!
I hope we'll see you tonight at the big 80th birthday bash!
So many feeling are the same. I cried when I read this. Because you were saying everything I felt but struggle to describe to others. It just hurts how much you miss them.
Gavin's Mom
Michelle
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