Remembering an Interesting Conversation with a Little Fishy

I don't know exactly why I am remembering these thoughts from when Kamber was around. Maybe it is because most my prayers to my Heavenly Father have been about how lost I feel. I cling to the faith that I have and struggle to fully trust my Heavenly Father again. I know he understands my feelings and is grateful that I turn to him. I have to say that my relationship with him is probably closer than it has ever been but distant all at the same time. I find that when I pray I talk to him as if he were sitting right next to me. For once I really tell him how I really feel, all the emotions that I have and that I wouldn't tell anyone else. At the same time I find myself angry at him and not sure if I really trust him. Not that I feel he took Kamber from me to be mean but just knowing that if he needs another person in my life that he can take them away too. But with all these feelings, I Love Him.

So back to my thoughts and conversations that I have been remembering lately. One of the last times I took Kamber swimming she was being her usual self. Jumping off the side of the pool, going down the slide like a big kid and laughing. It was routine that she would sneak and take off her floaties and hurry and jump in the pool because she really thought that she could swim. I was always there to grab her and make her put her floaties on. This last time I was constantly getting after her for trying to take her floaties off. She successfully did one time and went down the slide with no floaties on. That was it, I had had it with getting after her and she was scaring me. So no more swimming for that day. I took her into her room to get her out of her swim suit and she was dancing around and laughing.
Here is our talk:

Me: Kamber you have to wear your floaties in the pool.
Kamber: Nooo
Me: Yes, Do you want to drown?
Kamber: YES!
Me: NO you don't that means you die and I would be so sad and cry and cry and cry. I couldn't take it if you were gone. I love YOU!
Kamber: K!

I got her dressed and didn't think of that conversation again.

Now I'm not saying that she wanted to drown or that it was an insight to what was to happen a sort time later. I just thought it was interesting. Who know that one of my worst fears would come true. And yes I am sooo sad and cry and cry and cry, there are times I think I can't take it.