Life is hard. We are all given trials through life. Some may seem small and pass quickly. Others may be given trials that are very hard to overcome and seem to last forever. I can say that losing a child is probably one of the very hardest trials to be given if not the hardest. It is a trial that will be with us forever as we fight with the emotions of grieving. The loss will always be there. A part of my heart will always be broken, the part that is reserved for Kamber.
I find myself exhausted trying to deal with the fact that Kamber is no longer here. My yearning to hold her will have to do with touching her pictures and things that were hers. I have not found a way to be grateful for my trial, but I do hope that I can do some good with what has been given.
I have been reading a book written by Sheri Dew- If Life were Easy, It Wouldn't be Hard. I hope that some day I can be as inspiring as she is. I actually have started writing down my life experiences that will lead up to where my life is now. Hopefully someday it can be made into a book that is inspiring to others. I know I have a long time till I get to the point that I can uplift others and not be so focused on my grief.
My favorite quote of Sheri Dew is on the back of her book. This thought really struck me as I thought of my struggle of trying over and over again to get back on my feet and push forward through the pain. This is what it says:
Our mortal experience is designed to test what we really care about, what we really believe, what we really want to become, and how we really feel about our Father and His Son.
Our trials do test what we care about, what we believe, and what we become. I have never had a test be this hard before and losing a child can bring you to the edge of shattering it all. Hopefully it is the hardest trial I will ever have to face.
6 comments:
Jen, your words and thoughts are inspiring. Thank you for sharing. My thoughts are continually with you and your family. I pray that you'll have the added strength needed to endure this trial. Love you!
I needed to read that quote tonight...thanks for sharing. I have to agree that I think losing a child is the hardest trial to have to go through. Oh, how I wish I wasn't given this life sentance. It can be beyond hard most days. Thanks for your thoughts. You are amazing!
Love,
Andrea
Wyatt's mommy
Never thought I would be going through this trial once again. It seems so much more difficult this time. I miss my son with every breath I take. I don't even like to write about it anymore. I am so sorry that you are going through this too.
Love Kendalee
Loughlin and Rhiannon's mom
I love that quote! Thanks for sharing!!
Oh Jen! But you have done some good with the trial that you are going through.....for others. You have strengthened my testimony. Brought perspectives back to what matters most. You have the light of Christ and your little girl who is with you that is easy for me to see and feel. It doesn't seem fair to me at all that you have had to sacrifice for other's to become stronger. Yet, look how many souls you have brought closer to Christ. You have forever touched my life and I know so many others... I yearn for the day that you can hold you little girl again.
It has been just over 13 years since my precious girl, Kelsey was born stillborn - fullterm.
I still ask everyday, "WHY"? As the days go by only distance is created... the pain and hurt is still very much a part of me and who I am today.
I can only take solace in knowing that God had other plans for my precious baby girl.
I too agree, there is nothing in this life worse than suffering the loss of a child.
Thinking of you and all the other Mom's who are walking hand in hand... missing our precious babes!
HUGS!
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