Thinking Of Kamber

Here lately I have been thinking a lot about Kamber. I do think of her every single day, very much on my mind as I go about my busy days. But here lately I have been thinking of her more often. Tears have filled my eyes each day as I have thought back on the days that Kamber was here. My heart is torn into shreds but somehow it hasn't brought me down. The tears have last minutes as I think of how we go about our days without her. I think of all the fun things that we do, without her. This week we went to Sun Splash and I thought of how much fun she would have had. Kamber had no fear and I knew that for sure she would love to go down the slides and insist on doing it by herself. I was sad that I only could imagine what it would be like rather than getting to see it for myself, but the picture in my head was pure happiness as I could see her. Oh how I miss her.

We are now in June and I am realizing that at this point last year that I only had a month and a half left with her. You can not even imagine the feeling that it gives me. A month and a half, sometimes I am glad that I didn't know what was coming. Here I am almost a year without Kamber and boy have things changed. I am noticing that my memory if fading a little and it hurts. I can't remember her smell nor do any of her things smell like her anymore. That is a hard one to accept. Every now and then I get little whiffs that remind me. The sound of her voice is fading and I have to watch a video of her to truly remember how she sounded. One nice thing that I am able to remember is how she felt in my arms. I get to remember this because of hugging my other girls. I love getting to hold each one of them and now I hold them a little longer to remember Kamber.

Life is going on and I can't say that I am at the stage of accepting that she is gone nor can I say that I am out of the angry stage. Each day is still a battle but I am continuing to fight. There are time I get so exhausted and just have to let go but after I rest I am ready to fight some more. I miss my little girl and wish that things could be different but I cling to the faith that one day I will be with her again, to raise her and that it will be far better than here.