I finally had my doctors appointment last Monday. I had been waiting a long time for it. I was excited to go and find out how my baby was doing. I got checked in and filled out the paper work that you always have to do with a new pregnancy. My hubby came with me and I was grateful for that. As I was waiting I started getting really nervous. I told my husband that if they didn't call me back soon that I was going to leave, the anxiety was building. Next thing I knew I burst into tears. Emotions that I didn't expect came on too fast of pace for me to control them and it seemed like the more I tried, the more I cried. I told Ethan that I don't think I could do this. How could I bring another child into this world and feel that joy when I have lost one? Maybe I can't handle four kids and now I am doing it again. The struggle within me was coming out. I know it doesn't make any sense, but I guess there is still guilt along with grief. I will be grateful for the day that I don't have spouts of the overwhelming guilt and grief.
Anyways people were looking and probably thinking I'm just one of those emotional pregnant
women, which I guess I am. Nurses wanted to know what was going on. My doctor understood because he came to Kamber's viewing. He reassured me I wasn't crazy and I get to go back on meds! The meds seem to help with some of the anxiety. Since I wasn't quite sure how far along I was we scheduled for an ultrasound 2 days later.
We went to the ultrasound with no problems this time. I was able to go in and just enjoy seeing my baby kicking around. Everything looked great and I am 12 weeks pregnant! My husband asked the nurse to just check and see if she had an idea of the sex of the baby. She told us that all babies this early normally look like boys but depending on the angle of the nub and other little factors it can give an indication if the nub will disappear. To her it looks like this one is going to be.......... a boy! Don't get to excited, it can change and if that is the case we will be happy anyway. We are just grateful for the children that we have. Anyways... I will continue to keep you posted on how things are going!
6 comments:
Oh Jen, a boy is going to be a WHOLE new experience for you ( if he is a boy ) But it will be a FUN experience !
Please know that you are normal. I didn't experience a loss like yours, but I was very emotional when I found out I was pregnant with Josh. I was so happy but so sad at the same time - I wanted to be pregnant with Elizabeth again. I wanted it to be her. So please know that the emotions you are feeling are the same I felt. I felt that same guilt and sadness.
I am here for you. And YES, when your baby gets here you will feel such overwhelming joy. Josh has really healed our family a lot. He brings me joy I never thought I would experience ever again.
CONGRATS !
What a roller-coaster of emotions your appointment turned out to be, but how fun to possibly know you're carrying a little boy. Another little girl would be wonderful, but I think little boys are pretty cool. Their mom is always their hero! :)
Congratulations again!
I totally felt that way being pregnant with Olivia. It was definitely a bittersweet experience...sometimes more bitter than sweet...but the sweet is SO much more satisfying than you can imagine. I'm glad you have a doctor that understands. I love my doctor, too, she is so understanding!!
~Bethany
I would like to be a part of the blog for those that have lost a loved one however I can not get linked to your mother in laws blog. I would like an invite addingtonjulz@gmail.com. I recently lost my grand baby and would like to connect with someone who knows what I am feeling
OH Jen know that we love you guys so much! You have an amazing family and that is just what Heavenly Father needs! Amazing parents to love his children as much as he does.
Sorry times can be so rough!
I love you. I love you! oh and one more for good measure....I love you.
Congrats! Check the chinese gender chart, I swear that thing is correct with nearly everyone I've tried & told about.
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