Some News, a Holiday, and a Birthday

Wow the next few days are jam packed with craziness and lots of emotions. In three days time the girls will be out of school, some news will be announced, a birthday there will be and a holiday to celebrate. So where oh where do I start...
The kids have their last day of school today and are they excited! I have to say that in many ways I am too. I enjoy having my kiddos around, especially when we don't have an agenda to run day to day. I'm sure there will be many times I will think I'm going crazy because they are only kids and siblings have to argue and fight from time to time, especially my two older ones that are so close together. 16 months to be exact and can't believe I am doing that all over again. Oops! did I say that out loud? Did you catch that? Yes mam, we are going to have another kiddo. Pregnant again with our last child. Six sounds like a good number to stop at. We weren't expecting to get pregnant so soon but, as we have found out during these last couple of years sometimes Heavenly Father has a different plan for us. Actually after Kamber died I didn't know for positive if I would ever be ready to have another child again. I know this news may hurt some of my friends. My friends that I have had for a while and my new friends that I have got to know through the grief that we share together. You girls know who you are. To you I am so sorry for the hurt that this news may give you. I don't know what it is like to not conceive when I would like to have another child. That hasn't been a trial I have had to bear. I don't know that pain. The only thing that may? remotely be similar is the knowing of not being able to have something you so desperately want in your life. I can feel that hurt and it is awful. So in that I do, I hurt with you. And to those who have lost a child, especially recently, I understand it. I understand not wanting to hear of another pregnancy, not wanting to see another pregnant women and especially another baby. I have been there myself. The pain of that is awful! So I am sorry if there is hurt. I care about all my friends and I hurt when you hurt. I didn't want your feelings to go unnoticed. With that said I have to say that I am happy for this baby to join our family. My kids and husband are so happy. We have already had a scare reminding us how fast a life can be taken whether in the womb or not. I am almost 13 weeks so that puts my baby coming around Thanksgiving. If I could have planned this pregnancy I wouldn't be going through the summer again, but here we are. And yes I am already showing which is why I thought I should let the cat out of the bag. I can no longer hide it. My body is remembering all to well what to do since it wasn't all that long ago we did this.

Memorial Day is on its way. This is another holiday that part of me dreads. Every Memorial Day Sunday we head down to the cemetery to clean the graves of family members that have past away on my husbands side. It puts a new spin on this trip when one of your own children is put on the list of members to visit. We start at the front of the Mesa Cemetery and end in the back with our Kamber. As I reflect of this day I automatically think of the events of Kamber's death and the impact for good and bad that it has had on our family. Today I was reminded of the Sunday after we buried Kamber. We went to the hospital to bless my nephew Gunner who was born the day we buried Kamber. Annie and Spencer were to head back to Colorado because the Football season was starting and Spencer had to get back to training camp with the Broncos. As we waited for the rest of the family to arrive one of Annie's sisters walked in with her kids. Her little girl was dressed in the exact dress that we put Kamber in days before we dressed her for the funeral and burial. I think my mouth dropped wide open. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Her hair was even flipped out just as I had done to Kamber's hair. You would think I would have cried, but I didn't. Instead I had an overwhelming feeling that Kamber was there. A very tender mercy to show she was there. I had forgotten about that moment and why it came to my mind today I don't really know for sure. But I know that Kamber is mindful of us, even almost 3 years later. She knows when harder times are coming our way and she is there.

The next big thing is Monday on Memorial Day my Tayler is turning 10. Oh my, she is growing up so fast. She is a beautiful girl inside and out. We will have her party on Saturday and of course she wants to swim, so that is what we will do. This weekend is BIG. Lots to be happy for, lots to be grateful for, and lots of fun. I hope the same for you!!!