The second day of school this year happened to be July 25th, the dreaded day of the year for us. The kids ran off to school happy to be going and I sat and struggled to make it through the day. This year marked a new milestone for us, at least to me it did. 5 years of Kamber being gone hit me hard. I found myself down in the dumps, so sad that it had been so long since I held her in my arms. And yet at times it feels like it was yesterday. My mind can take me back to that day in an instant. I can relive all those feelings, emotions, and smells. Yes, that may seem weird but it is true. I think when we go through trauma our senses are heightened, at least for me they were. I miss our little Kamber girl more than you can imagine. It's a trial we will bare for the rest of our lives. Thank goodness time and the power of the atonement can buffer the sting of death. We continue to be grateful for Forever Families and every year we are reminded on a raw level of the sacrifice Jesus Christ made for us. What a beautiful blessing!
Mr. Max did have his birthday and here he is posing in one of his outfits. He loves picture time.
Tayler is not wanting a picture, but I made her take one for me anyways. Memories! Tayler made her 7th grade volleyball team. It was her first time trying out for a team so she was pretty nervous, but she enjoyed the processes. Each day I would ask how she did and how she felt she compared to the other players. She was always so humble and say she did good and then comment on the others girls. Come to find out she has really impressed the coaches and she will be playing outside hitter. Tayler has worked hard to be a good player on her own and we are proud of her.
On August 3rd we went out to my nephews birthday party at a trampoline place! It was fun! I watched the kids bounce all around and chase Reagan up and down the stairs that lead to the big kid dodge ball game that she thought she needed to be a part of. While I was there my Mother in law gave me my Birthday present since my birthday was on Tuesday. She made me the most beautiful quilt made of flip flops with a picture of Kamber on the back. As soon as I pulled it out I could feel the tears coming and I fought them back the best I could. I didn't want on lookers watching me cry wondering what my problem was. It is beautiful and such a meaningful gift. It couldn't have been given at a more special time in my life.
4 birthdays at the beginning of August in the family, all in a row is a lot... A lot of fun! Lots of darling people to share it with. Gunnar, Major and Tristyn!
And just for fun because I love them... pictures of Reagan and Kylie bear!
2 comments:
I sure love you Jen ! I am sorry your sweet daughter isn't here. You know I know how that feels - obviously I would never ever compare our experiences but I do understand that feeling of sadness and loss. I hope you know how many people love you, support you and pray for you and your gorgeous family. You are always in my thoughts and I think about Kamber often. When I visit Elizabeth, I usually stop by and see Kamber too. I wish the knowledge of a forever family would eliminate the pain, but it doesn't always. We just have to hold on to the thought of a forever family and keep pushing through. Lots of hugs to you friend : )
So funny...just the other night before getting into bed I started remembering so vividly the feelings and "smells" I had when Joshua was born, and being pregnant and just all that... I actually don't even remember exactly what specific day or event it was but it just seemed so clear I wanted so badly to write about it but was so tired I didn't.
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