LoVe

As I was getting ready for the day today my mind started to wonder. Actually I am realizing I do that quite a bit. My mind went somewhere today it hasn't in quite a while. It replayed the day that Kamber died. Usually I would shut it out quite fast, but today was different. I let my mind and body relive it, all of it. I stood there just staring into the air, but watching every little detail play out. Right as I was about to bust into tears I remembered something one of my counselors told me. When I have a sad image of Kamber to replace it with a happy one. This allows our brains to connect the two and file it into the proper place. Instantly an image came to my mind from that same day. It was the last happy memory and encounter I had with her before she died. She was running in the back yard with jammies on laughing. She was so cute and silly and thought it was so funny I was chasing her. Oh, what a blessing that memory is. Then my mind took me to this morning as I realized for the first time that the jammies Reagan was wearing are the exact ones that Kamber was wearing that day. Another beautiful blessing. I love that Reagan is getting to wear some of Kamber's clothes, though had I remembered that memory before, Reagan probably would have never worn those jammies. There was a time that I swore no one would ever wear Kamber's stuff and with some things that still remains true. Then my mind switched to our move out here. I remembered all the LOVE that I felt from this ward and friends in our neighborhood. I also remembered the LOVE from all those friends that I left behind. But the move out here was special and needed. LOVE changed my heart that I was worrying was hardening and breaking to no repair. LOVE taught and grew in our lives. Life really hasn't been easy since we have lived out here. We have had our moments and times that I have wondered if we were LOVED, but then when I would question it, LOVE once again broke through. I LOVE my friends, ward and family. I LOVE my calling. Never thought I would say that about being a Relief Society Teacher. My mind is focused on that because I know I am going to be released any day now. We are moving in the very near future, weeks away! I was at one point very angry about the move, but now find myself in LOVE with the new adventure. We found some land that I LOVE. A small humble home on that land that I think I might learn to LOVE. We are excited for all the new possibilities and opportunities it will give us. I LOVE that! Though my sweet angel Kamber has passed away and I still have a hole in my heart, we have been blessed. The 5 year mark has been very hard on me and I am still figuring out how to pull myself out of the gloom. I still see sunshine through the clouds and continue to learn lessons that I might not have learned without this trial. I feel Kamber and my Heavenly Fathers LOVE. I LOVED conference this weekend and felt LOVE from every talk given. Regardless of our trials and sin we are LOVED. LOVE softens and changes hearts.

Kylie had a Birthday on Sept. 23rd and I of course LOVE her. She got cowgirl boots so she can learn to ride, skateboard that she is learning to ride, and lots of money (which she LOVES). She is a beautiful girl and so LOVEABLE. 11 years...time sure does fly bye.