Do you ever get to the point in grief that you actually accept the loss? I have felt that lately I have done pretty good. I felt that I have been accepting that Kamber is gone and looking forward to the day that I get to see her again. Just when you think that all is okay a wave comes and takes you down. I woke up this morning feeling sick but not because I am physically sick right now but that emotionally, spiritually, mentally sick feeling. The longing to see Kamber this morning. It was horrible waking up and knowing I can't just walk into her room and see her. Why does this have to linger every day. This is not a battle I want to trudge through, some day s I want to just give up and not get out of bed. Do I really have to face this reality day after day? The answer is always, YES.
It is so exhausting to feel okay some days and then angry other days. It is not mind over matter, it is what it is and it is HARD. I do know that I will be with Kamber again and I know that she does come around us and those times are wonderful. But I am human and it is hard not to have her physically here. Time goes on and this day will soon pass and hopefully tomorrow will bring happier feelings.
7 comments:
Oh, how I understand your aching heart. My prayers are with you today.
Angela
(Evan from Heaven's mom)
I love you Jen and I am here. I have those days too. One day I miss my Daughter and the next day I miss my Dad. I constantly feel like I am getting knocked down by the loss of my loved ones. I also wonder if I will ever just be okay. I wonder if I will ever be back to the way I was before I lost them. I am really missing my Dad today.
And you're right - it sucks, but it is what it is.
You have such a way of expressing yourself. What a blessing your writing is to so many- b/c not everyone can express themselves so clearly so to hear your words is validating to lots I am sure of it. You said it so well. I hope these hard days get easier for you even as more time goes on. I know they will. Love you Jen. Thanks for all of your help this past week with sweet Gunner.
I do just want to express something similar to you. Since my miscarriage, and it's been about 4 months now, I don't feel like the same person. Something down is always in me. I don't like how I feel this way...but who knows- it may just be how it is forever, ya know?
I love you..
I look up to u so much..Thanks for being my friend
Jen,
You are a pillar of strength for so many!!! You have touch lives that you don't even know!! Kamber is our sweet angel always. Some wounds never completely heal, like the Savior's hands and feet. These wounds have also helped so many lives with love, faith and selfless acts of kindness. Kamber sweet smile, love and kindness have touched so many lives!!!
Thank you for your testimony and we love you Jen. We will pray for you to be comforted knowing that your sacrifice is great in the sight of Our Savior!!
Hang in there. You are so right to know that you just need to get through today and hope for a happier tomorrow!! You have a strength I admire. I look up to you and know how hard it is to do all that you do. We love you and still pray for you every day!
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