Yesterday Ethan and I met with a man about getting new medical insurance. He was a very kind man probably in his 50's. He moved from New York a couple of years ago and says that he really enjoys being here in Arizona. I don't understand it when it is so hot here but he and his wife seem to not mind it much.
He did a really good job presenting his company to us and giving all the details. He continued to move on and then we were to the subject of how the insurance would cover in case of an accident. Before I knew it the loss of Kamber came up and he was dead silent. I didn't want to look over at him because it was just silent. Was he in some kind of shock, did he not know what to say? Then I thought, "bad idea" shouldn't have mentioned it. Then out of the silence I heard him say in a sympathizing voice I lost my 20 year old son 2 years ago... I looked at him and his eyes fell to the floor as it seemed he was trying to compose himself. Ethan and I both looked at him and said I am sorry. Here this family is 2 years out and saying that their son died out loud to others still brings back some sad feelings. You could see how much he misses his son and loves him. But it seems that after that moment he was able to continue on as before just like we have to move on in life even thought we may not want to.
I miss Kamber everyday. Sometimes I am able to pull myself out of the sadness and continue to do the things I need to through out the day and then other times I need my moment to really feel. Sometimes that moment lasts a few hours, days or even a week, but some how I keep moving on. I look back on the day her accident happened ane wondered how I even left the hospital that day without her. How did I leave the cemetery the day we buried her? How do I continue to move on with out her? Here is the answer... I was carried and continue to be carried the whole way with angels by my side. Very dear loved one have passed away in my life and have left me sad and feeling abandoned but sometimes I wonder if really I am the lucky one. I have these special angels fighting for me on the other side.
6 comments:
I truly believe that the Lord sends certain people into our lives. I have no doubt this man was meant to come to your home. And to know that he feels the same loss you do, almost makes it easier because you know you truly are not alone. And you know you aren't alone also because you have felt carried. You brought up something that made me realize the same thing. How did I leave the hospital without Elizabeth ? I haven't thought about that until today. How did I make that drive home and have a semi normal conversation with my Husband. How did I sleep that night ( not great, but I slept ) It's amazing how the Lord allows you to look back and see he was carrying you. Thanks for letting me realize that again.
That is a beautiful way of looking at it Jen
Beautiful Jen, just beautiful.
thanks for sharing.. You are great
What a neat way to look at it. You truly are amazing and I am glad to have you in the family. Ethan is one lucky man.
With me the world kept moving those first few months but I remained the same. It was hard to move. It felt as if I was in a snow globe and the world around me was busy, bussling but I watched on like I did not belong. I still have a hard time feeling a part of this world, having birthdays, holidays, end of school, all without him. He will always be 15 in my mind. i hope I have the strength to move on. Your courage inspires me.
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