Beautiful song- come listen!

A blogging friend sent this song over for me to hear. I have never met Kim or even knew that she read my blog before today. She was inspired to send this song to me telling me the song reminded her of myself even though she didn't know me other than through my blog.

I think Kim knows me better than she thinks because this song applies to me and my grief and healing as of now. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Kim. To everyone else take a listen, it is truly beautiful!

We Have A Birthday!

It is Kylie's B-day today and she turns 8!!! I can't believe that 8 years ago I had here, a little baby girl. Actually not little, but big 9 lbs, 2 oz. and up till Max she was my biggest. Kylie has been so fun to have. She has the biggest heart and the most fiery personality. She is very honest and it sometimes gets her into trouble, but she tells it like it is. She is a great big sister and always willing to help. Kylie loves to play outside and be active. I would have to say that she is more of a daddy's girl and would follow him to the moon. I love getting hugs from her and there are plenty to go around. I am so excited for her to get baptised and she would say that she is a little nervous. I know she will do great and we are so very proud of her.:)

We Love you Kylie Bear!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Soccer

My girls are playing soccer this year. We have never done it before because I never even thought about it as an option. To me girls play sports like softball, volleyball, tennis, and even swim. These were the sports I was put in when I was young. I played volleyball my freshman year in school and discovered that I loved track more. I ran varsity track from a sophomore up. Sports were important to me growing up and I was quite good at it, never the star of the team but definitely held my own. I was never much of a girlie girl I guess you would say. Lets just put it this way, when the girls were playing with dolls I was playing football with the boys in the neighborhood or doing relay races with them and betting I could beat them and I would.:)

My girls played tennis and swim team last year. Lets just say tennis isn't really our thing. Swim team went really well and if we hadn't moved and I being pregnant we would have done it this year too. I went to one of my friends sisters High school soccer games last year and had so much fun watching her play. I realized what an intense sport it is and girls can hold there own. I decided then that I wanted my girls to try playing this season.

My girls have been going at it for about a month now and love it. We have had two games and they have scored goals in each of them. Kylie is very aggressive out on the field. She wants the ball and she is going to get it and do something with it. Even if that means you get knocked down when in her way. It's all part of the game. Tayler is not quite as aggressive, but is pretty good with her feet and sneaks the ball away with a good kick down field. Tayler is very accurate at kicking the ball and both goals have been made by someone passing the ball to her up field and her kicking it into the goal. Both girls are doing so good especially it being their first year. Needless to say I am proud of them and glad they love going to soccer! I'm sure there are going to be more updates as the year rolls on.

Thinking about her

I think of Kamber everyday. There is never a day that goes by that she is not on my mind, but she doesn't consume every moment like she did in the beginning. I have our last family picture on the opening page of our computer. Many times I just glance at it for a second and then open up what I need on the computer. Today I stopped and stared at the picture and was drawn to focus primarily on Kamber. I noticed that she does look a little more like me, especially when I compare her features to mine. The shape of her eyes, the shape of her nose and even her smile. She did get my blue eyes, but hers are a little lighter and more sparkly.

My heart swells every time I look at her. She brings so much happiness, her smile just lights up. This is how she was when she was here, she lit up our lives! I have a little ping in my heart today. I miss her, but I am able to deal. I love days when I really focus on her. It reminds me she was really here, she was mine and IS mine FOREVER. :)

I've never shown this version of our family picture, but it gives a good insight as to how silly Kamber was. Everything was funny and it was always time to be silly. So here she is being goofy before we got our last family shot.



Notice Ethans face. He hates pictures and just wants it done and over with. Now he adores these pictures, but still doesn't like taking them.

Meet Max- cute pics!

Max is a month in these pictures. He is now 7 weeks-time sure does fly by when you are having fun witha new little one!

My friend Tara took the pictures of Max. Thanks so much Tara, I love these pics!!!

Go check out Tara's website: http://www.photosbytmb.com/

Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?

I received a phone call from a long time friend of mine this week. She left me a message to call her back as soon as possible and I could hear in her voice that something was wrong. I called her back immediately and with a quivered voice she told me about her friend that lost a little boy to a drowning this week. She was devastated about her friend and so mad knowing there was nothing she could do to take away the pain. One thing that she said that stuck out to me was WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE? I don't have the answer to that question. It would be nice if bad things only happened to bad people, but they don't.

My heart broke all over again knowing what this family was going through. Not even I who has been through this not long ago is able to do anything to take away the pain for this family. All I can do is be there for her and listen and validate feelings if she chooses to confide in me.

All I know is that Heavenly Father has a plan for each one of us. Sometimes he allows things to happen and when it is something as devastating as losing a child it is hard to accept. I use to think after losing my dad that if I prayed hard enough everyday that nothing would happen to my family that the prayer would be answered and no one else would be taken from me before it was time, assuming that everyone's time should be when we are all really old. I also thought if I made sure I went to church every week, and did everything the prophets ask of us my family would be safe. That is part of what was shattered the day Kamber died. I realized it didn't matter how good of a person you are, Bad things happen to good people.

I now look back and see the growth. I don't have such a childish way of following the gospel. The guilt of not being perfect doesn't ride on my shoulders like it did before. I know I am here to learn and grow and sometimes it will be a devastation that we will learn from. I haven't conquered this trial yet and somedays I still fight everything I believe. Turning to Christ and Heavenly Father has never been so hard and easy at the same time. I just have to have faith that this is how its to be and everything will be okay at the end.

Bad things happen to good people and I don't fully understand why, but I know we have to find a way to keep putting one foot in front of the other as hard as that might be. Please pray for this family that they will feel Heavenly Fathers love and peace.

Love,
Jen

My little Racoon and 2 posts

I am starting to think that Brookie is accident pron. She loves to run through our house and this time her toy and the couch got the better of her. You guessed it, she fell just perfect enough that the corners of them both caught her eye. Nice shiner! We laugh because she knows what her shiner is and points to it.

I am my Mothers Child

Max is now a month old. Time is flying by so fast. I can't believe I have had him a month and I wish it would slow down. I want to just savor every minute with him. When I have my babies I am really stricked about not taking them out till they are a month old and limiting my time being out and about for a few months after that. I might be weird ,but it works for me and I feel that it helps get my babies on a schedule, plus I don't want them sick.

Since I am at home most the time when I get a chance I do watch some T.V. That occurs usually when Max is eating, so I entertain myself till it is time to put him down and race to get things done before he is crying again or wants to eat for the hundredth time.

I have become a little addicted to two particular channels. I wish I could say it was the BYU channel to be spiritually uplifted or a channel that I am learning from. Well I guess I am learning a little.It just depends who you are talking to. I'm a little embarrassed to admit this but I like to watch QVC and HSN. My mom has watched these channels for years and has bought MANY items. Majority of the items are very useful and make life a little more simple. The jewelry is pretty and clothing is fashionable. My sister and I have made fun of my mom for her watching and purchases. The UPS man knows my mom, that's for sure. My sister jokes and says that my mom will be buried in her largest QVC box with all her receipts. My mom is smart with her spending so she can buy what she wants.

So since these channels are on at 1:30 in the morning when I am trying to stay awake to feed Max I watch to see what is new and during the day you might find one of these channels on my TV. I wish I had the money to buy everything I love. It could become dangerous, but for now I've kept myself in check. I just really like seeing what is in style and to daydream. So, I really am my mothers child.

Kids Love McDonalds

Have you ever known a kid that doesn't love McDonald?. I have yet to meet one. My kids love when we go, which isn't very often because mom and dad don't really care for it. So when my kids get to go it is a treat.

I was in a hurry one day running errands and so I ran through the drive thru at Mickey D's. I got each of my kids a kid hamburger for them to eat in the car on the way to our next stop. When we arrived to our next destination this is how I found Brookie.



All the ketchup was gone off her hamburger and she didn't want to eat anymore. Apparently the ketchup is the best part. At least she got some veggies in for the day! :p

Proud Big SIsters

All In Two Years Time

On July 25 th it was 2 years since Kamber passed away. I can't believe it has been that long since I held her in my arms. Certain things about her are starting to fade now and it makes me sad, but I think that is how our bodies are able to go on after the loss of a loved one. On the other hand certain memories still linger and are played out right before us since Brookie is so much like her big sister. There are times that I glance at Brookie and swear that Kamber is standing there. I feel it is a special gift to have reminders of her through Brookie and hope that we will get glimpses of what Kamber would have been like growing up by watching Brookie grow.

A lot has changed in 2 years time. I think there has been a lot of growth in our lives. I have a new sense of peace in my life. I guess maybe that comes from starting to accept that Kamber is really gone. Two years ago if you would have told me that I would be having another baby only days before Kambers death date, I would have thought you were crazy. The thought of having another child didn't appeal to me one bit. I never thought that I would be able to be happy again in my life. I really didn't know how I would go on and wondered if I really would. I have proved myself wrong. I have made it two years and I have found happiness and another child.

So two years ago today this is what we endured. We buried one of our own. Our hearts were torn to shreds. We were exhausted with everything life had to offer. If I could have I would have gone with Kamber. It couldn't be my baby that died. Denial, Pain, Exhausted.

Two years later this is were we are at. We welcomed our little boy on July 23rd. He was

9lbs 9 oz and 21 3/4 in. We were right he was a big baby and the doctor said had we waited he would have been 11lbs. SCARY!!!

Maxton is a special blessing form above. We all adore him and can't get enough of him. He is sooo sweet and a good baby so far. Another blessing, so I am dealing really well. Brookie has been great with her little brother and loves him to death. Tayler and Kylie are very proud big sisters and think having a baby brother is AWESOME!

So at a time that sadness surrounds us, peace and happiness has enveloped us. On these days we remember our sweet daughters life and are grateful for the special time with her and eager to be with her again. BUT, we now forever will have sun shining through the clouds that brighten our day and make us grateful for both of their lives. The timing couldn't be better and once again we see Heavenly Father's hand in our lives.

Happy Birthday Gunnar who was born 2 yrs. ago today.

Last day of just having girls

So tomorrow is the day. Our family will once again change forever, but this time at least it is a good change! I was thinking today about how many times I talk about the girls and I and same with Ethan,he talks about he and his girls.

It has been fun having a family full of girls. They make me so happy and I know that they are learning to be good big sisters and someday to be great mother's. I have enjoyed doing their hair and nails. Dressing them up is so fun to do. I love getting to hear how cute all my girls are and hearing people tell Ethan that he was in trouble in a couple of years when they are all teenagers. That always gave me a little chuckle. I think I am going to miss it just being me and the girls. I don't think I know how to just relax and let a boy be a boy. Hopefully I don't make him into a sissy boy. With Ethan being his father hopefully that will never be able to happen.

We are excited for tomorrow to come and take us on this new adventure. When Tayler was born Ethan and I were young. I remember Ethan being so nervous to hold her and be with her for too long and same went for Kylie since she was born just 16 months after Tayler. Little babies made him so nervous, especially if they were his own. By the time Kamber came around we were a little older and Ethan would pay a little more attention but you could still tell he was a little nervous. And with Brookie it got a little better. Ethan and I were talking this morning about having another little one and ready or not here he comes. I was mentioning to him about how protective he has been through this pregnancy and that I am shocked that he himself was talking about taking pictures at the hospital. (something he has never liked to do.) I told him how I think he is a little different this time around. His answer was " I am getting older." I guess since we are almost 30 we are finally starting to act like adults and ready to be parents. We now have a better understanding on how precious life is and what a miracle it is to have our children born safely. I know now that we have a different outlook on life and our little one as we go in tomorrow.

So today we will enjoy our girlie's and look forward to our baby in blue!

Four Days!!!

Four days till D-Day. I have started the count down even though it still doesn't feel real that I will be having a boy. My fears and concerns are still lingering but I know somethings that will help to calm my troubled mind.

Today I choose to focus on the now and right now I am feeling the urgency to clean. All I can think about is clean house and do laundry!!! Literally in my mind everything needs to be sterilized. I think I drive my family crazy because it is almost all I talk about. Tayler was in Kindergarten when I had Kamber. Valentines Day was just days after Kambers was born, so the teacher was having the children make Valentines cards and treats for the parents. Tayler's card was so cute! You know,it was one of the cards that asked questions about you like how tall is your mom? How old is your dad? And the answers to those questions are like 100 feet tall and 70 years old. Those cards always make for a good laugh. Well, at the bottom of Tayler's card is said "What does your mom say to you the most?" Which of course you would hope it says something like I Love You! Tayler's answer to that question was "Clean UP." Not the answer I had expected, but at the time was probably so true since we just had a baby. S0 I was a little crazy about it then also. New Baby=Clean House and this time around I will remember to say I Love You along the way. :)

36 weeks and a Baby Coming Soon!

Monday I went into the doctor for my 36 week appointment. In a lot of ways I feel the time has flown by, but by the evenings I am miserable and it feels like this pregnancy is never ending. We all love our last months check ups don't we! NOT,Very uncomfortable, but nice to know that the end is coming soon.

With the past 2 pregnancies my doctor has done an ultra sound around 37 weeks to see how big my babies are getting since my Kylie was over 9 lbs. Each time my babies seem to get bigger. Kamber was 8.12 at a week and a half early, then Brookie 8.8 at 2 1/2 weeks early. So Monday we did an ultra sound and my boy is 8.1 and I am 36 weeks and a few days. I had a feeling he was a big baby and what do you expect with Ethan being his daddy. I love Ethan's build, he has a very large strong frame. I love that he is 6'5 and muscular without even trying. I love that Ethan is athletic and most everything comes easy for him. I hope my boy is a lot like him. So far it looks like his body type will be!!!

Have you heard of white boys being wimpy? That is what I hear, at least if they are born early their lungs have a harder time than any other race. My doctor wants to induce me next week for fear of how big my boy will get if we just let me go. So early next week I will be poked in the stomach to get the amnio fluid to test his lungs. No numbing mind you and if you know my fear of needles then you know that it is a scary thing for me. I've been through worse though, it is called labor. That is coming soon and it is scary and exciting at the same time. :/

Our little boy as of now is scheduled to make an appearance next Thursday! I still have a hard time realizing we are having another baby let alone a boy. I worry that everything will go well. Will I really leave the hospital with another one in my arms?Am I really going to be able to keep all the rest of my children on earth with me? I've had four children with me once before and it seemed that right as I admit that four children was quite hard,one was taken. I still hope not for reasons of me not being able to adjust easily to 4 kiddos running through the house. Just one of the many questions that have run through my head since Kamber's death. So when my girls walk into the room to meet their new brother I will count three of them, and the picture at the hospital will be with 3 girls holding a baby. Same picture as last time even though 5 children will be in the room one will be missing in the picture, that makes me sad. BUT, at the same time who gets to have a true angel, one of your own to send a new special spirit to a family. I know not many, but we do. I know Kamber will be by our side and by the side of our sweet little one as he leaves our Heavenly Fathers arms and into ours. For this I am grateful and continue to try and focus on. It is such a bitter-sweet time for us with only days away from Kamber's passing. Heavenly Father works miracles and so I am sure this is how it is all meant to work out. The remembrance of life before this earth and life after death all tied together for one purpose, which is to return to our Heavenly home.

Fighting

FIGHTING, that is the word that tears at my heart and sole this past week. July is very bitter-sweet. I have had a lot of things going on to cloud my mind and make days and weeks seem to pass swiftly. Now that things have settled a little it allows me to ponder a little more.

We have met many people in our new ward and they have all been so kind. The question of how many kids we have has come up many times and I have answered with a smile on my face feeling ok with the responses I have been given. It hasn't been as hard as I expected mentioning Kamber.

In a few weeks it will be 2 years since she passed away. Time now has really seemed to have flown by. I look back and wonder how in the world I have made it this long without her. How has life seemed to get back to somewhat normal?

Emotions have been creeping up on me. I was hoping that planning on a new baby to arrive would blurr all the emotions surrounding this month of sadness. Instead I find myself worrying that my new bundle of joy will arrive on or too close to the death of Kamber. I don't want that day tied to him in any way.

Today my heart aches for Kamber. Have I mentioned how glad I am that we are not in the other house. I am glad that I don't have to see the physical evidence of why Kamber is gone anymore. My mind can remind me plenty. I am so glad that the scene of the accident no longer surrounds me.

So today I will continue to hold my head up high even though my heart hurts. I will strive to be grateful for how far we have come. I can continue to look to the future putting on step in front of the other. I know it may be hard, but I am looking forward for our little ray of sunshine to arrive!

4th of July from the past

Growing up the 4th of July was one of my all time favorite holidays. When I was really young I remember going up to Eager to see my mom's parents and all her brothers and sisters would be there with all of their kids. There were horses in the back with a big barn that I always admired. My grandpa owned a lot of land and I remember thinking how cool it was to spend time in Eager just hanging out and having fun. At the young age of 3 I was riding horses, with my dad of course but not long after that I was riding on my own. I remember my favorite horse was named Peanut. He was a beautiful brown horse and he was fast. I loved to make him run up and down the corral in the back. It was so fun playing in the fields with all of my cousins. My mom has 6 in her family with her being the youngest so there were plenty of cousins to play and hang out with.

On the 4th there is always a parade and candy is thrown to everyone. It is so fun to run out and fight for the candy. Then that evening there is a firework show that is way better than the ones here in Mesa and as I got old enough to date I learned that there is country dancing down by the rodeo grounds that is fun to go to. I vaguely remember watch my mom country dance and yes she was dang good. She grew up in Eager and that is what you did. It was always fun to watch her move out on the dance floor.

Even as a teenager I still enjoyed going to Eager and hanging out with cousins and meeting boys from down in the valley from all over and hanging out with them also. I remember one of my guy cousins meeting a cute girl at the country dance and while they were dancing finding out that they were cousins. It really freaked him out because he had thought that she was really cute. That was one of the draw backs, Our family grew up there and therefore we are related to most of the people that live there. Not so much now because alot of the family members have either passed away or moved away.

While I was dating Ethan I found out that his grandpa grew up in Eager and that he spent many times in Eager with his family. I of course immediately found out that we were not related and was so relieved because I was crazy about him. His grandpa actually knew my family fairly well and so it was an immediate connection with Ethan's grandpa and even now I love to here the stories he tells me about his life in Eager. Ethan and I spend alot of our vacations now with our kids at his grandpas cabin for the 4th and other little get aways. I love passing this tradition on to my little girls and they seem to love it as much as I did.

This is the 1st year in a while that we have not been on the 4th. I am getting quite big and uncomfortable and didn't think that the 3 1/2 hour drive would treat me to well. So for this year we will make a memories here in our home. We do have some sparklers for the kids (another perk about Eager- driving into New Mexico to get cool fireworks!) So sparklers it will be with some homemade ice cream after dinner!

Update!

I know it has been almost a month since I have done a post. It was actually kind of nice to take a little break. I wish it was a break of just relaxing but my break made it possible to stay some what sane through the past couple of weeks. I will have to post more pictures later. On the vacation my camera wouldn't charge so I have few pictures and for the other events I couldn't find my camera due to our move and things being scattered all over the place between two houses. Maybe some of my family and friends will be so kind to send me some of the pictures they took.:)

Mid May we went as a family with three other families to Vegas for a family vacation. We enjoyed the pool, aquarium at Mandalay Bay, and the Adventure Dome at Circus Circus which was the highlight of the vacation! We enjoyed good food and good friends. It was a fun vacation since that was going to be our only one for this summer since I am getting bigger by the minute.

Here is Ethan and one of our friends at the entrance to the aquarium.

Pic. of the jelly fish, gross.

Ethan showing every one up on a game at Circus Circus. He got the highest score winning Brookie the biggest prize.


Kylie doing the bumper cars. I think she and all the other kids only made it one time around the track. Driving is harder than it looks.


Kylie going her second time on the big roller coaster at Circus Circus and Matt being nice enough to take her again.


The next week Tay Tay had her 9th Birthday! We enjoyed a family party of swimming, eating pizza,cake and ice cream, and Tayler's favorite, opening presents! Tayler is growing up so fast and when I ask her to slow down she just laughs and gives me a your crazy look. She brings so much happiness to our lives and we love her soooo MUCH!!!

Swimming on her birthday, Tay Tay's favorite thing to do.

The last you heard from me Brookie had broke her foot and we were moving. Her broken foot postponed our move a week, but life continued to truck on. Brookie got her hot pink cast on and that did not hold her back. Within a couple of days she was walking, running and jumping with her cast on. She would call her cast "The big pink sock." She was darling in it and such a good sport, I actually think she liked all the attention she got, as if she lacked that from others anyways. I ordered a waterproof cover so that we could bathe her and let her swim. Well showers worked great and then we tried swimming and you guessed it. The cast was soaked and better yet just before I changed her out of her little swimmer she peed down her leg and right into her cast. I know, gross and nothing I could do to clean the urine out of the cast. So a call was placed to the doctor and we went in the next day. The cast was removed and they did an x-ray to find that enough of her bone had started to heal that the cast could come off. She now has to wear tennis shoes with good support and we are not to let her run or jump on her foot for three weeks because she is at a high risk of breaking her foot again. Ummm, they obviously do not know my Brookie. I explained her little vibrant personality to them and they just repeated the same directions. We left the office and headed right to the store to get her some shoes other than flip flops and guess what! She was running through the store. Seriously, not good. For the most part she is doing great and we are on our way to healing and keeping our fingers crossed. Brookie is just happy that she gets to swim. She tells me all day long that "Mama, I lika to swim!!!" :) So cute!

Brookie just before she got her Big Pink Sock cut off!

We are finally moved in. It took us forever, a whole weekend- actually longer because there were other days that we had to go back and get other things, mostly my husbands stuff for his construction business, but were are done traveling back and forth. The house is starting to look more like a home rather than a bomb. Moving nine months pregnant nearly killed me. By the afternoon I could barely walk and I don't know how I didn't end up in labor or with a broken back. I'm just glad it is done. I like things clean so I have been impatient with how fast things are being put away, so I know I bring a lot of the pain on myself. A clean home is important to me. We like our home, neighbors that we have met, and we have been to our new ward once and they made us feel very welcome. I have to say that I have not shed one tear over our other home nor have I missed it. The last day I was there I cleaned up Kamber's room and felt nothing. I didn't feel her presence there at all. I worried that I would feel like I was leaving her behind and all our memories, but the spirit of our family was already gone from that home. Kamber's presence has carried with us to the new home and I have felt peace with the move. There are some people that have expressed their sadness about our moving from that home, but please no sadness. It is just a home, yes it is beautiful, but there are so many sad memories there and we pray that this move is good for our family and we have faith that things work out for a reason. So goodbye home that brought us happiness, good times, horrible times, and growth we never thought would happen. It was an experience of a life time!

Since our move my dear family and friends threw me an amazing baby shower. It was beautiful and had yummy food and great company! I was in shock when I walked in and saw all the hard work that was put forth on my behalf. There are not any words to express my gratitude towards all those that helped and came to support me. I received lots of darling gifts for my little boy. It is still crazy to think that I am going to have a baby boy. Deep down I was really starting to think that a boy wasn't in the cards for our family. Looking back now I can't think of a better time for a boy to come. Heavenly Father truly knows what is best and when we have patience he can work his miracles.

After all this craziness my body finally gave up and I got sick for a couple days but now I am back trucking along through life trying to endure this HEAT like the rest of you. I look forward to reading your posts and catching up on everyones life once again. ;)

Oh, Dear!

What do you get when you are moving, pregnant, trying to set up a charity, going to baby showers, and your little one just broke their leg? You get one crazy MAMA! I have many posts I want to do, but since our stuff is scattered all over the place I am having a hard time finding my cameras for pictures for our Vegas trip, Tayler's B-day, and memorial day. I do have my nifty phone on me so I can upload pictures I take with it. I will have a lot of updating to do when we get settled in our new home.

So, like I said we have been taking our time moving our things to our new home, but we had decided that this weekend was the time to get our booties into gear and get- r- done. Yesterday was overwhelming for me. I have a lot on my plate right now and I could feel it's weight on my shoulders. I let myself have a break down and then I felt much better, ready to accomplish some things. Later yesterday evening Ethan had just arrived home to get a phone call about something at someones home and he needed to leave again to fix the problem. He wasn't happy about having to leave just after arriving home since he had been up since 4 a.m., but sometimes that is how it goes when you own your own business. He left and I had a couple things still left to do. Brookie was running around the house as usual playing when all of a sudden I heard a crack and her screaming. She was right outside the office where I was and I saw her screaming on the ground holding her foot. I had never heard a cry like this one come from her. We always say she is as tuff as nails because she will run into things all the time and bounce back up not to even skip a step. I knew she had probably broke something.

I picked her up and held her trying not to cry myself knowing she was in a lot of pain and I couldn't do anything about it. You moms know how this feels, it is a sick feeling deep down in your stomach. I called Ethan and he thank goodness was on his way home. I tried to see if she would walk and she wouldn't put any pressure on her right foot. She would cry for me not to put her down to walk. Next thing I noticed the top of her foot started swelling. So Ethan arrived and off to urgent care we went. The same one that we were at last week and the week before that with Kylie's battery situation. Ethan made the comment that hopefully they don't call CPS on us since we have been down there so often. Brookie got her x-rays and yes her foot is broken and she will have to have a cast on just in time for summer and swimming, which see loves by the way. YEAH!!! She is adjusting to her splint fairly well and soon will have the hard cast on. I actually found a place that has vacum seal covers to go over casts so people can swim. There has been nothing but 100 percent positive reviews about this product so it sounds like Brookie will be able to swim after all.

Life seems to get crazier and crazier around here. I am to the point that it almost makes me laugh. What a crazy time, sometimes when it rains it pours. We can take it, things could be alot worse.

Hooray!

Yesterday we took Kylie in for another X-Ray to see if the battery had passed out of her system. Honestly I can't say that I looked that hard, it makes me gag just thinking about it. Kylie told me that yesterday she had told her teacher about the battery she swallowed and that if her teacher brought in her cell phone charger that she could plug it into her stomach to charge her phone. Where do kids think of the silly things that they say?

So, down to the doctors we went and an x-ray was done and no battery was found! The doctor then told us that thank heaven it did pass because if it hadn't he would be sending us down to the hospital for them to go in a take it out. Oh no, that would not have been good. Kylie's eyes got huge as she heard that and promised that she would not swallow anymore batteries unless she was choking on one like she did that night. She says" What would you have liked me to do? Swallow the battery or choke and die?". Definitely swallow the battery, I love you too much Kylie and don't know that I could live without you.

It's Been A Roller Coaster

Sometimes life just goes up and down. Sometimes it surges forward and then it slows down. That is a little how I have felt here lately. I feel I have been riding a crazy roller coater for the past little while. Bursting forward and then flying backwards and being jerked from side to side. There are even times I don't even know where I am going because my eyes are closed not wanting to see what is coming next.

School is almost out and summer will be here. I love getting to spend more time with my kids. I do have times that I wish they could be back in school during the summer, but most of the time I really enjoy having them around, though I notice as they are getting older they are not wanting to spend as much time with me, but with their friends. That is okay though I expect that to happen. What do I love about summer? I love getting to sleep in if I want. I love that my girls get to sleep till they are ready to wake up and not be grumpy. I love having days of taking it easy if we want. I love going swimming with them and watching movies during quiet time. I love just having them around!

This weekend Tayler will turn 9. Can you believe that? She is growning up so fast. She is turning into such a big kid, no longer a little girl. I love what a big help she is and her sweet personality. We are just going to have a small little family get together for her, it will be just perfect.

In two weeks we are moving out of our home. With that it brings alot of emotions. In so many ways I am so happy to leave this home. SO many hard emotions are here. We really feel it is what we are to do, but at the same time it is hard to leave the home that Kamber spent the last part of her life in. It is a very complicated feeling and leaves me exhausted. We pray that this is going to be healing for us and most of the time I really feel it will.

We just got home from a little family vacation. It was a lot of fun! We had 3 other families go with us and made for quite an adventure and the kids loved it. I will do a post soon just about our weekend get away! On our way home yesterday we got stuck in traffic on the 93. About maybe 5 minutes ahead of us there was a horrible accident that had happened. Three life flight helicopters were called in, firetrucks,a couple ambulance, and a lot of DPS. We arrived just minutes after it happened so we saw all the rescue workers arriving to help. Not long later we found out that people had died at the scene of the accident. My heart broke and my mood changed for the remainder of the day and it is still affecting me in some ways today. As we were traveling home Ethan said to me "May 23rd is now someone elses July 25th." It is so true, someone lost a member or members of their family yesterday. Someones life was turned upside down and their world has stopped for them. Then as we called family as we were driving home we found out that one of our Brother in laws, brother in law had past away on Saturday night. He had been suffering with cancer for six years. He left a wife and young kids behind. His wife Patty was such a sweetheart to us when Kamber died. I remember her coming over with a small gift to cheer up my girls and a beautiful smelling perfume for me. Sometimes when you are down, a pretty sent can lift your spirits for a while. Again the roller coaster traveled down hill as I remember loosing my dad at a young age after battling cancer for six years. My heart broke knowing how they feel. Even after having been through this trial myself there is still a helpless feeling of how to help. Extra prayers are sent their way and I know that angels are sent to us during these hard times and we are lifted up. That is the only way we are able to put one foot in front of the other during the early stages.

So yes,the roller coaster is rolling at a rapid speed and I would like it to slow down. But during these harder times I can see Heavenly Fathers hand holding me in, keeping me and my family safe along the way. He is guiding the coaster and I know that it won't fall of the tracks and I won't fall off because he and his angels are there. He is real and his love is real for each one of us. He doesn't leave us alone, especially when we feel that we are slipping.